Editorials

SAMANTHA’S TOP 5 WHITE NOISE BANGERS TO GET LAID TO

Woah what’s going on? Who’s this other blonde girl below me? That’s not Leah. At least I don’t think it is. Change scares me.

What Happened When I Grew A Moustache? These Things.

As some of you may know, and as most of you probably don’t, I am a HUGE fan of white noise machines. I listen to that shit while I study, while I sleep, while I make pizza pockets, and overtop of television shows. You see me doing something? Chances are that I am bumping that sweet, sweet, white noise. I recently went home with a guy who played a blend of air conditioning fan noises to fall asleep to. The loop was about eight minutes long and at the end of every eight minutes, it skipped and replayed itself. Talk about romance, am I right ladies?

I Remember When I Had Good Dreams

Listen up kids, when you’ve been around as long as I have there’s a real temptation to look back at the past with rose tinted lenses. But this is one exception where my perception is not skewing my reflection: my dreams. When I was a kid I had the best dreams: I used to fancifully fantasize about flying, about being an astronaut, about having a mother who would tell me that I was spec- I mean tell me that I was specializing in advanced neurosurgery as she handed me my MD from Harvard. But let’s admit it nowadays I’m not as young as I used to be.

Finally A Snoop Dog and Martha Stewart Erotica

The moment we have all been waiting for is here, the Martha & Snoop’s Potluck Dinner Party TV show has been out for some time now, and we have all had one thing on our mind-when are they going to you know… :P. So here is a little X-rated fanfiction I thought up!

Eyeliner: When is It Blackface?

Hey guys, (quirky sound effect) it’s me, (quirky transition) on today’s episode of my CITHDIYMUTYC (Cory in the House DIY Make-Up Tutorial YouTube Channel), we are going to talk about eyeliner (quirky intro song).

My Near-Death Teriyaki Experience

I remember that day like it was yesterday. Indeed, it seemed to catch the corner of my eye, I’d never seen that before. In my head the order of food places was always Booster Juice, Pita Pit, Pizza Pizza, and Tim Hortons. Suddenly, there it was. A line going somewhere I had never seen before. Well technically it was two people waiting, so I don’t know if that actually counts as a line. Nonetheless, a gleaming light, a glowing red sign hypnotized me. I began to walk towards it until I could make out what it said.

Teriyaki Experience. And what an experience it would be.

Things the US Would Elect As President Before they’d Elect a woman

SUP guys, its me, Leah, here to share with you some of my zany unique thoughts on another episode of Leah Talks About Politics and Who Let Her? Why Is She Doing This?

So as I browse the internet for the next best Vine, I sometimes accidentally stumble upon “politics” and “Cory in The House Erotica Fan-Fiction” but who cares about that garbage though right ? Haha i’m nervous. But anyways I’ve been noticing that the US is going through a whole lot of effort to not elect a woman into office.

Has Science Gone Too Far? Girls Now Have the Technology to Tell Me to Fuck Off

Science thinks it has all the answers. La-de-FUCKING-da, you discovered penicillin, insulin, and other stupid shit. Now you think you have the right to tell me how to live? Tell me what to wear, what to eat, how to eat puss puss pussy magoosey? Well guess what? YOU’RE WRONG. Science is overstepping its boundaries and should step the fuck back. They’ve invented lots of good things, don’t get me wrong, but now that they’ve progressed so far women have figured out they have the technology to tell me to “fuck off”, whatever that means. Take this example from a party this past weekend.

Song by The Killers Doesn’t Play at House Party- What Happens Next Will Shock You

So I am at a party - I already know exactly what you are thinking-how do you balance a 4.3 GPA, a healthy diet, a famous Cory in The House inspired Makeup Tutorial Youtube Channel, AND still party like every night? Just a modern-day Renaissance woman and a severe stimulant addiction.

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