My Grades Don’t Define Me - What Defines Me is My Distaste for Olives

Guys I am sick and tired of it! What is ‘it’ you might ask? Is ‘it’ the political establishment which seeks to only benefit the rich while exploiting the poor? Is ‘it’ a nation built on the genocide of its indigenous population? Is ‘it’ the way in which our society lauds social action and yet wears clothing built by children in sweatshops?

Leah’s Ed LARPing Rebrand: Daytime TV

Hellooooo ladies! Haha I address the ladies first because as a woman it’s funny to adopt the habits of old creepy men. Some other things I like are arguing people’s ages on Omegle, being alone a lot and not understanding the right steps to make real human connection. Anyway here’s the thing guys, I know you expect me to always be delivering these activist-vegan TED-talk editorials that change your view on the world, and you expected RIGHT! Today I want to rebrand an old niche-market game to open it up to general population. LARPing, Daytime TV edition.

Things I Have Opinions About That You Better Agree With

Hey nerds - think you have a valid opinion? Think again! That’s right, everything you’ve ever believed in is a lie. Your friends, your talents, hell, even your own existence should be under question! However, since I have words on a page I am important/a corporate EngSoc puppet and therefore have REAL opinions. Here they are. If you disagree then FUCK YOU.

Walk a Mile: How I Catfished a Dude to Understand Sexism

They always say to walk a mile in another man’s shoes to truly understand him. I never got this saying, namely because of its sexist implications by not using gender neutral pronouns. That being said, as a man I know that I am unable to understand the institutional and structural implications that women face daily. Frequently I am surprised by the varied and unique struggles of womanhood. For example, I learned yesterday that they bleed from their vaginas once a month. Like what the fuck? That’s some pretty fucked up and gross shit.

The Small Soft Supple But Substantial Difference Between Fuckboy and Fucboi

Millennials. Memes. Pictures of dogs. how many? Unlimited. The world today is a crazy place haha! I mean who’s to say what the next zany trend is going to be?

But hey guys, before I get into the heavy theory of it all let’s just all take out our phones, re-download vine, open the app, and then please follow me on vine @QueenLearBBGurl - its got some pretty good vines, they’re like OK, I don’t know it’s just like me and my friends haha aghhh it’s whatever actually :P

Potato Chip Tier List

Hello fellow literates! Thanks for joining us once again for another issue of Golden Words, this time with more potato chips! That’s right folks, due to popular demand we’ve taken the ethical responsibility to put more starch-based content into our newspaper.

Dead Baby Jokes You Can Make at Abortion Clinics

So I know we’ve all been there - waiting in the abortion clinic, and you feel SO awkward because all the dead baby jokes you normally would be making are super inappropriate. I mean, almost every dead baby joke is made about babies that are like already alive and conscious; which is super fucking exclusive, pretentious, and downright awkward when you’re all there with dead non-alive babies. So today, as an activist and humanitarian and vegan, I want to fix this broken system by providing you with some dead non-alive baby jokes!

Not Like Other Girls

The year is 2069, APOCALYPSE has hit. Ahhhh! Oh my god it’s so bad!!! Ahh so many people are dead!!! The Korean guy or someone totally nuked the Heck out of us. Did we deserve it? Maybe that’s the complexity of the whole situation, I don’t have time to get into it but like I DO have a great grasp on politics and morals I just like don’t think you’d get it.

What Really Happens At Grease Pole

This past Saturday I was part of an elite Golden Words task force that, under the cover of dusk, snuck onto a bus full of upper year Eng students to go to grease pole to take some photos and act as a reputable newspaper presence. The first thing we noticed were the amount of gatherings around campus where these engineers-to-be were pre-ing. Or so we thought. In actuality these folks were greasing up their own poles, in a graphic display of engineering hubris and overconfidence in their girth.

We're Back

Hello everyone! Welcome back to another year of Golden Words, and maybe also school, I guess. You’ve been waiting patiently for a long time to get your sweaty hand sausages back on an issue of this bad boy so congrats - don’t blow your load just yet (you’re in public you weirdo). For those who are coming to Queen’s for the first time - welcome! If you know want to be cool and succumb to peer pressure, you better read this paper and tell all your friends to do so as well. Know why? Cuz we can say swear words in this. Like fuck and shit and fuckshit! Take that New York Times!