Editorials

The Ultimate Debate: Infinity Scarves vs. Blanket Scarves

    Yes dear readers, we have finally responded to all your fervent requests to implement some extra analytical content to our paper. We reached out asking for topics and you all responded with a unified voice: tell us about blanket scarves and infinity scarves. With the changing season and the uncertainty of how warm people’s necks will be, nothing is more contemporary, I’ll be honest with you all though, I didn’t know the difference at first. It just seemed like girls were imitating that folk story of the girl whose neck needed to be attached by a scarf or some shit.

I'm Retired

Ladies and Gentlemen a new era has dawned in the glorious history of Golden Words, just as the great and terrible reign of Sam Codrington and Sydney Wilson as editors has set. In a new period of which shall be known throughout history as “generally boring and comedically unambitious”, two new editors have arisen. Outsiders to GW would assume (by the quality of the candidates) this promotion was conducted by random selection, but was in fact conducted via a rigorous interview process.

I'm Fuckin' Out

If you, dear reader, aren’t the dumb fuck most of us here at Golden Words secretly think you are, then you’ve realized something amiss with this latest issue of the most politically correct publication on campus. That’s right, my stunning face isn’t at the top corner of the eds page for you to admire. The paper has been taken over by the new editors, who (though not as attractive, let’s be honest) I am sure will successfully keep up the mediocrity we promise to you, our loyal patrons who can’t shell out and extra measly 25 cents. But whatever, we don’t hold grudges.

Resolutions I MIGHT Live Up To

Oh haha hey haters didn’t see you there, haha is this thing on? Anyways, what’s up guys? I’m Leah and Welcome to Hip-Hop-sercize. Just kidding, this isn’t a cool fun dance- exercise mash up, I am just trying to make a couple light jokes to make you more comfortable, haha are you comfortable? Haha I’m so sweaty right now. I bet you’re so tired of both me and Alex breaking down the fourth wall but you know what always I say, there are no walls in art. 

Resolutions That I Won’t Live Up To

Woah woah woah! Hold up! What’s that you see? A new, sexy face on the inside of the first page of Golden Words? Well don’t close the paper for fear of a public erection that will last longer than 4 hours, because I’m one of the new editors! That’s right, Leah and I are going to be taking over the vital responsibility of writing dick jokes for you all in the upcoming year. Like I’m 90% sure they mixed up some applications, because there’s no waaaay I should be an editor, but I’ll be damned if I don’t do my best to not pull a Queen’s Tartan with this one.

Old Man Editorial: I'm Retired!

Ladies and Gentlemen a new era has dawned in the glorious history of Golden Words, just as the great and terrible reign of Sam Codrington and Sydney Wilson as editors has set. In a new period of which shall be known throughout history as “generally boring and comedically unambitious”, two new editors have arisen. Outsiders to GW would assume (by the quality of the candidates) this promotion was conducted by random selection, but was in fact conducted via a rigorous interview process.

Guest Ed: Oregon Militia

Welcome one, welcome all, to Fox News presenting Golden Words. As you may now know, the classic fiscal mismanagement of doddering liberals at Queen’s University in general and Golden Words in particular has led to some financial distress on the part of Canada’s other National Newspaper. We at Fox Corporation saw the value of some good old fashioned corporate buyouts to teach you students a lesson on the untamed jungle that is the free market, we have bought out Golden Words.

Damn Millennials Get Off My Lawn!

Due to our funding issues we’ve been getting a lot of letters of concern, many people offering us their quarters, though if they had thought to do that earlier we wouldn’t have been in this mess. Since our switch to the hands of evil (AKA Fox News) we’ve also been getting a disproportionate amount of letters to the editor about ‘those damn kids and their fun’ specifically targeting the millennial generation and their downfalls.

Senior Staff Editorial: You Are All Trash

You heard me!
You are despicable, a waste of space at this school. Frankly, we’d be be better off without you because CLEARLY you don’t care about us. You all had a chance to make a difference and failed. 

Sam and Syd Editorial: What We Wanted To Do

So you may or may not have heard but we didn’t get our modest 25 cent referendum increase that you sons of bitches voted down. Now you, being an honest reader of Golden Words, we’re sure individually you voted for the best paper on campus (no disrespect to the Journal as they are not technically a newspaper so much as a fine-grade toilet paper manufacture) but collectively you dithering fiscal prudes are wholesale responsible for the decision we are forced to make. We really needed that referendum win: this is the last issue of Golden Words.

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