Editorials

Bring Sexism Back to Engineering

HAha SUP! Yep i’m the cool editor with a trendy greeting, lower caps, short forms, and a rockin personality. NO I do not care to welcome you frosh or any of you I am NOT your mom and you will not speak to me in that tone of voice young man. Anyways, I bet everyone is like “ooh welcome to Queens it's gonna be the best” well first of all news flash no one could even know that so already the logic is off. Secondly, Queens definitely has some stuff to work on and as a great opener to the year I am going to give a critical editorial on the classic subject of Sexism.

Be that Friend Who’s Smoked Crack

It’s over. You wanted to kiss that one person on their pee-pee? Too late. It’s week 12, the season finale, over anticipated, ultimately underwhelming, and at least one thing will make you cringe. I can’t speak for everyone but when I get home I like to be the zaniest character around. Oh what’s that? That’s the banter bus and I’m in the driver’s seat.

Lowkey Bangers

Last issue of the year! Yay. We all hate doing this gig. Anyway, after religiously devouring our paper for the semester you’re probably going to want some sort of closure from Volume 50. Throughout the summer, you probably won’t be able to laugh at all. It happens to all of us. We can only say tough shit - we’re not in the business of handouts Bernie Sanders/Communist McLenin. Once school is over and you’re back in your small town, you’re probably going to keep up with your drinking habits and trying to listen to some dope bangers.

Sexual Tension: The Unit in Physics 111 YOur Prof Left Out (It’s Like Khan Academy)

Set the scene: Its your physics class, I roll in on heelies, I’m looking good, I whisper in your ear “What’s up you dusty ass nerd hoes, I am the substitute teacher for the today and the lesson is on tension between to moving bodies. Sexual Tension. LOL.“ It’s going to be like a ted-talk but worse. Although you may not be able to tell, all of you are currently suspended in this room connected by an invisible force-tension. As you can see in Figure 1, there are two principle forces in sexual tension.

Conversation Pieces for mere acquaintances

Hello my homeboys, homegirls, and home-non CIS-gendered peeps! I hope that your school hasn’t kicked you out yet and that your parents haven’t kicked you out either. This week, being our penultimate week of Volume 50 (boohoo so sad), means that we’re probably going to change gears and take a more serious approach. Indeed, the responsibilities of a newspaper that puts out 3000ish copies of 25 issues a year, and is the only notable paper on campus are many. While dick jokes are of course a necessity, we also have many responsibilities to ensure the greater Queen’s community is well off.

The Ultimate Debate: Infinity Scarves vs. Blanket Scarves

    Yes dear readers, we have finally responded to all your fervent requests to implement some extra analytical content to our paper. We reached out asking for topics and you all responded with a unified voice: tell us about blanket scarves and infinity scarves. With the changing season and the uncertainty of how warm people’s necks will be, nothing is more contemporary, I’ll be honest with you all though, I didn’t know the difference at first. It just seemed like girls were imitating that folk story of the girl whose neck needed to be attached by a scarf or some shit.

I'm Retired

Ladies and Gentlemen a new era has dawned in the glorious history of Golden Words, just as the great and terrible reign of Sam Codrington and Sydney Wilson as editors has set. In a new period of which shall be known throughout history as “generally boring and comedically unambitious”, two new editors have arisen. Outsiders to GW would assume (by the quality of the candidates) this promotion was conducted by random selection, but was in fact conducted via a rigorous interview process.

I'm Fuckin' Out

If you, dear reader, aren’t the dumb fuck most of us here at Golden Words secretly think you are, then you’ve realized something amiss with this latest issue of the most politically correct publication on campus. That’s right, my stunning face isn’t at the top corner of the eds page for you to admire. The paper has been taken over by the new editors, who (though not as attractive, let’s be honest) I am sure will successfully keep up the mediocrity we promise to you, our loyal patrons who can’t shell out and extra measly 25 cents. But whatever, we don’t hold grudges.

Resolutions I MIGHT Live Up To

Oh haha hey haters didn’t see you there, haha is this thing on? Anyways, what’s up guys? I’m Leah and Welcome to Hip-Hop-sercize. Just kidding, this isn’t a cool fun dance- exercise mash up, I am just trying to make a couple light jokes to make you more comfortable, haha are you comfortable? Haha I’m so sweaty right now. I bet you’re so tired of both me and Alex breaking down the fourth wall but you know what always I say, there are no walls in art. 

Resolutions That I Won’t Live Up To

Woah woah woah! Hold up! What’s that you see? A new, sexy face on the inside of the first page of Golden Words? Well don’t close the paper for fear of a public erection that will last longer than 4 hours, because I’m one of the new editors! That’s right, Leah and I are going to be taking over the vital responsibility of writing dick jokes for you all in the upcoming year. Like I’m 90% sure they mixed up some applications, because there’s no waaaay I should be an editor, but I’ll be damned if I don’t do my best to not pull a Queen’s Tartan with this one.

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