Old Man Editorial: I'm Retired!

Ladies and Gentlemen a new era has dawned in the glorious history of Golden Words, just as the great and terrible reign of Sam Codrington and Sydney Wilson as editors has set. In a new period of which shall be known throughout history as “generally boring and comedically unambitious”, two new editors have arisen. Outsiders to GW would assume (by the quality of the candidates) this promotion was conducted by random selection, but was in fact conducted via a rigorous interview process.

Guest Ed: Oregon Militia

Welcome one, welcome all, to Fox News presenting Golden Words. As you may now know, the classic fiscal mismanagement of doddering liberals at Queen’s University in general and Golden Words in particular has led to some financial distress on the part of Canada’s other National Newspaper. We at Fox Corporation saw the value of some good old fashioned corporate buyouts to teach you students a lesson on the untamed jungle that is the free market, we have bought out Golden Words.

Damn Millennials Get Off My Lawn!

Due to our funding issues we’ve been getting a lot of letters of concern, many people offering us their quarters, though if they had thought to do that earlier we wouldn’t have been in this mess. Since our switch to the hands of evil (AKA Fox News) we’ve also been getting a disproportionate amount of letters to the editor about ‘those damn kids and their fun’ specifically targeting the millennial generation and their downfalls.

Senior Staff Editorial: You Are All Trash

You heard me!
You are despicable, a waste of space at this school. Frankly, we’d be be better off without you because CLEARLY you don’t care about us. You all had a chance to make a difference and failed. 

Sam and Syd Editorial: What We Wanted To Do

So you may or may not have heard but we didn’t get our modest 25 cent referendum increase that you sons of bitches voted down. Now you, being an honest reader of Golden Words, we’re sure individually you voted for the best paper on campus (no disrespect to the Journal as they are not technically a newspaper so much as a fine-grade toilet paper manufacture) but collectively you dithering fiscal prudes are wholesale responsible for the decision we are forced to make. We really needed that referendum win: this is the last issue of Golden Words.

Sam Editorial: The Book of Jengesis

Welcome, friends, to the mystical and wild universe that we live. One where Jenga is at the root of every fibre of our universe. The Jenga Model of the atom has recently been discovered by esteemed scientist Albert Jengastein, totally validating the beliefs of Jengites worldwide. The Jengite movement began in the earliest centuries of history when Moses came down from Mount Sinai holding not two stone tablets but 54 stacked blocks containing the rules for living as an honest Jengite. 

Syd Editorial: All Board Games Matter

I had no say in the theme of this issue, but whatever, Jenga is cool or something. I don’t know, whatever. I don’t think it would be fair to dedicate an entire bloody issue to a dumb af board game without giving nod to some other dumb af games, be they board or otherwise. It is selective and unfair to other equally good board (more like bored, eh?) games to single out one as having the most merit. I’d like to argue the pros and cons of other games in order to have some semblance of board game equality in this paper. 

Sam Editorial: The Underground is Going Down

As everyone now knows Justin Bieber Night has come and gone for the second time at the Underground, signalling the second time most of campus has genuinely gotten excited about the prospect of waiting in line at the JDUC while blitzed. And while some may misinterpret that sentence as sarcasm it is entirely sincere, I love the Underground. It is by definition one of the best dankholes in Kingston. Undies takes the warmth, hip friendliness of the Brooklyn and couples it with a Stage’s inspired darkened portion of the dancefloor for people to make out.

Guest Editorial: Dangers of a Phone Camera

We, as a species, are nearly unstoppable. Humankind has gone on to achieve previously unimaginable feats from the creation of insulin to sending people into space. However, I argue science has gone too far in giving any schmuck with an iPhone the ability to instantly send someone a high resolution picture of their junk.

Sam Ed: Focus Festival

The Queen’s Focus Film Festival is a non-profit, three-day guerrilla film-making competition at Queen’s University. A bunch of amateur filmmakers had last weekend to put a film together and it’s going to be screened at a gala on the 28th. I know that because I googled them, and that’s the extent of the information I’m willing to divulge about the festival. Why?