Syd Editorial: PSA - It Isn't Christmas Yet

It’s September 14th, as you walk the halls of walmart you are affronted with smiling foam pumpkins and shitty felt bats. The hall is never ending, everywhere you turn there is poorly crafted Halloween decorations. And then, blessedly, it is over. The hall ends as October 31st rings midnight and we’ve fallen into November. Now, all that exists is Christmas crap. Everywhere you look you are confronted with creepy Santa’s and tinsel. If anyone asks me about mistletoe - well, actually, it would be nice, but IN DECEMBER.

Sam Editorial: A Weigh In on the Biggest Issue We Face Today

As an editor at Canada’s most prestigious other national newspapers, I feel obligated to weigh in on the important issues of the day. And dear readers, we know of the big issue out there, I don’t even think it needs to be said . We have on our hands big problems that demand immediate action. And I must say it is very frustrating to me to watch men and women in positions of power and influence continue to dither and lay down meaningless rhetoric when the hour is so dire.

Syd Editorial: Procrastinating

Procrastination is an art form mastered only by those who wish, subconsciously and paradoxically, to never master anything. At this point in life, I am strategically avoiding my tedious essay writing to instead write this editorial, which does not need to be finished for another week -- as opposed to my paper, which is due in approximately 22 hours. 100 words down, only 1100 more to go, and that’s if I wish to pass with a mediocre grade. But let’s be honest, I’m in 4th year, at this point mediocrity is all I am aiming for.

Things I Don't Like

There are a lot of things that I don’t like, much like everyone else. One thing I do like though, is Limericks, so decided to put the things I don’t like in Limerick form. To be honest, I was running out of ides for this week, so this is what you get. I can’t please everyone all the time, okay, I just can’t. So here you go, enjoy, or not, whatever. 

Leaving the house: 

Sam Editorial: Sci Formal Sucks

Every year, graduating engineers spend one night making a spectacular black tie event at Grant Hall. They construct an incredible structure from plywood, two by fours and nails, they paint fantastic murals and decorate two whole buildings in one cool theme. But you know what, it’s stupid. It’s stupid how everyone gets all dressed up and pretty and happy and goes and has a good time with all of their friends. Does that sound fun to anyone else? Who’d want to get all dressed up and have a great night eating fondue and drinking with a live band?

Op-Ed: If We Made Crime illegal: We'd Have a Crime Free Utopia

There’s been a lot of talk in the United States lately about Gun Control and whether or not it will make our streets safer. Both sides have made impassioned arguments but it is clear that they are making no headway, as tragic mass shootings continue to plague the nation multiple times this year. Even in Canada, where we think we are comparatively safer, large cities such as Toronto have seen an increase in gun violence this year. So what’s the issue here? It seems that everyone from politicians, to lawyers, to activists, to the media can’t wait to give their two cents on this subject.

Sam Editorial: Sucker Punch

A sucker punch is described on urban dictionary as “when a motherfucker punches you out of nowhere haha lol I’m famous add me up on MSN @carlsagandroolz”. It’s also often described as the worst goddamn way to waste three hours of your life whilst blisteringly intoxicated at  three in the morning of November 1st. Random example. Also, random unrelated thought: Zach Snyder, you can go to hell, you bloated, plotless ass. Stop George Lucasing your entire goddamn career with an effects budget apparently funded by a goddamn majority share in Google.

Syd Editorial: Totally For Real Life Hackx

I know that I was supposed to share with you the scintillating part two of what is sure to be an epic tale of blacking out and waking up with two tickets to Finland, as I’m sure so many of you can relate to, but alas this brilliant sequel is still in the works. It’s sure to blow your mind, just not this week. Think of this week as a commercial break. An intermission, if you will.  
Instead, this editorial is brought to you by Totally For Real Life Hacks That Will Make Your Life 110% Better™ 
1. Tin Foil can be used for more than just food 

Sam Editorial: I'm the Fun Editor

Hey there, I’m Sam, the fun editor. So today instead of being all uptight like the square above me, I  prefer to get all loosey goosey with “editorial policy” and just let shit fly. When I show up to “work”, I just jauntily waltz around the room cracking wise and starting fistfights with an errant graphics staff. I keep things fun, fresh and flirty in a place that so often devolves into dull conversation about politics and the weather. You read our paper, we’re pretty boring people.

Syd Editorial: I am the Boring Editor

I am the boring editor. It is a confession I am loath to make, and yet it is the truth. I was not hired to be funny, I was hired to do all the work, or so it seems, as my ‘Co-Editor’ rarely seems to be anywhere near the paper, only to stumble in last minute, smelling suspiciously of dive bar and PBR, to create and add in his editorial. Sure, I mean, he is a fun guy, I guess. I just wish I could be the fun editor sometimes, for a change. But for now I am doomed to be the boring editor with boring articles. Alas.