Editorials

Syd Editorial: An Open Letter To Printers

An Open Letter to Printers,
Are you spawned from hell? Technological Nephilim? I ask this in complete earnestness, are not those spawned from hell sent to earth to torture those who roam this beautiful planet? Are our technologies not vast enough for your superiority to mankind, or are you simply an old man, unable to grasp the concept of change?

Sam Editorial: Sarah You Have Beautiful Eyes

Met a girl late last night at Ale, and I had a fantastic time talking to her before they had last call. Before we separated we made plans to meet the next day and she made me promise to write a song for her. I said yes to both things because I was very drunk.
When I met her with her friends, Joe and Hattie, the next day I was less than impressed by what I saw, heard, and just generally experienced. But, if nothing else, I am a man of my word so I resolved to keep my promise and hopefully come up with something she would appreciate.

Sam is Dead/No I'm Not

SAM IS DEAD

I have been summoned back by the outcries from the Golden Words office. My dim spirit lifted my heavy foot steps; one step at a time I arrived at Golden Words. What awaited for me was a horror I have never dreamt of witnessing: Sam Codrington is dead!

No, not in the way that Overheard is dead. Sam is actually dead; as dead as the two squirrels on Albert street. Silent. Sideways. Half-black.

Editorial: Thoughts from Stauff (In Parts)

I’m someone who rarely braves the library, preferring my “Home Office” (AKA my bed) to the hard wooden chairs that make my ass go numb. But the other night, seeing as I have a mind numbing amount of papers due, I decided to suck it up and venture into the depths of the third floor. See what all the fuss is about. Here is an account of my experience.

Part One: The Journey There

Wise Crazy Person Editorial

Kingston Is Beautiful

Have you ever stopped five meters before the bus stop that you try to get to at 8:15 every morning, and look around your habitat from such a vantage point? Have you ever dug under the small mountain of snow on top of your front lawn, looking for the cigarette butt that your date from Tinder left behind two months ago? Have you ever stopped your pace, when you’re taking a stroll on Union street, to stare at the pink flesh of the dead squirrel beside your foot step and ponder the meaning of le?

Editorial: What Even Was First Year?

          Yesterday I worked at the March Break open house and while it was fun to see all the children get excited about their inevitable doom – their cherub faces still full of the hope that is bound to be crushed – it also brought back the some of the many repressed memories from my own first year, a mere but vast three years ago.   (Also, on a totally-but-actually-kinda-not unrelated note, parents are insane beings that struck fear into my co-workers and myself.  If there is a question that could possibly asked, however inappropriate it may be, a concerned parent will ask it, loudly.

Editorial: The Saga of the Man Bun has Ended

    Spring has arrived! In the bright fresh sunlight now you can’t hide the unsightly mess that your body has become over the winter. Covered in hair, fat and a glistening sheen of layered sweat and shame, what used to be a glorious temple to human physique has decayed into a shattered, bloated ruin that stands testament to the corrosive powers of those twin gods, Doritos and Netflix. ‘Tis the season for everyone to slowly, tenderly peel off layers of sweaters and turtlenecks, vomit, then sprint to the ARC in sweatpants and a hoodie.

Senior Staff Editorial: The War On Fun

Well that was fun! Being editor was a pretty sick gig but to be honest, I’m much more comfortable filling in this 8th of a page with a complaint. I’m also no longer obliged by my blood pact to EngSoc to be funny, so I’m going to bring to light a real issue here .

Editorial: What is Wrong With Morning People

I am not a morning person. Case and point, today I had to be at the Golden Words office for noon, which means leaving my house at 11:45 at the latest, so naturally I woke up dangerously close to 11:30.

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