Editorials

Op-Ed: If We Made Crime illegal: We'd Have a Crime Free Utopia

There’s been a lot of talk in the United States lately about Gun Control and whether or not it will make our streets safer. Both sides have made impassioned arguments but it is clear that they are making no headway, as tragic mass shootings continue to plague the nation multiple times this year. Even in Canada, where we think we are comparatively safer, large cities such as Toronto have seen an increase in gun violence this year. So what’s the issue here? It seems that everyone from politicians, to lawyers, to activists, to the media can’t wait to give their two cents on this subject.

Sam Editorial: Sucker Punch

A sucker punch is described on urban dictionary as “when a motherfucker punches you out of nowhere haha lol I’m famous add me up on MSN @carlsagandroolz”. It’s also often described as the worst goddamn way to waste three hours of your life whilst blisteringly intoxicated at  three in the morning of November 1st. Random example. Also, random unrelated thought: Zach Snyder, you can go to hell, you bloated, plotless ass. Stop George Lucasing your entire goddamn career with an effects budget apparently funded by a goddamn majority share in Google.

Syd Editorial: Totally For Real Life Hackx

I know that I was supposed to share with you the scintillating part two of what is sure to be an epic tale of blacking out and waking up with two tickets to Finland, as I’m sure so many of you can relate to, but alas this brilliant sequel is still in the works. It’s sure to blow your mind, just not this week. Think of this week as a commercial break. An intermission, if you will.  
Instead, this editorial is brought to you by Totally For Real Life Hacks That Will Make Your Life 110% Better™ 
1. Tin Foil can be used for more than just food 

Sam Editorial: I'm the Fun Editor

Hey there, I’m Sam, the fun editor. So today instead of being all uptight like the square above me, I  prefer to get all loosey goosey with “editorial policy” and just let shit fly. When I show up to “work”, I just jauntily waltz around the room cracking wise and starting fistfights with an errant graphics staff. I keep things fun, fresh and flirty in a place that so often devolves into dull conversation about politics and the weather. You read our paper, we’re pretty boring people.

Syd Editorial: I am the Boring Editor

I am the boring editor. It is a confession I am loath to make, and yet it is the truth. I was not hired to be funny, I was hired to do all the work, or so it seems, as my ‘Co-Editor’ rarely seems to be anywhere near the paper, only to stumble in last minute, smelling suspiciously of dive bar and PBR, to create and add in his editorial. Sure, I mean, he is a fun guy, I guess. I just wish I could be the fun editor sometimes, for a change. But for now I am doomed to be the boring editor with boring articles. Alas.

Syd Editorial: A Golden Words Story: Part One

It was a dark and stormy night, as is always the case when writing a scary tale. The skies were hazy, clouds running into each other turning the sky into a gradient of grey. Sweet cerulean sky and sparks of sun hid behind the monochrome, but it was unbeknownst to Penny Tration as she slept, blissfully unaware of what was to come - of what had already occurred.

Sam Editorial: Stand Up

Standup comedy is an exciting experience: getting up in front of a crowd of people with nothing but your wits and a couple of hackneyed jokes about the difference between guys and gals. You have to be bold, you have to be confident, you have to be willing to stand, slowly walk around and then stand again. Ideally you need to be funny as well, but for the most part it’s just a lot of slowly wheeling around a lit stage. I would know, because I can imagine what it’s like to be a standup comic. However, seeing as these are skills I do not have, and don’t care to cultivate, I’m going to.

Sam Editorial: Dweeb of the Year

So this past summer this funny thing happened during my daily commute. While on the bus back from my job at the engineering office wearing a short sleeved collared shirt, I transitioned smoothly from playing chess on my phone to doing the crossword to doing the sudoku to reading a comic book. It was this seemingly innocuous combination of nerdy pastimes that catalysed a reaction within me. Unbeknownst to me what I was doing on the bus combined with my studies at an electrical engineer short circuited past my body’s natural dweeb dampening mechanisms.

Syd Editorial: The Truth Behind Disney Princesses

Earlier this week I was spending my time perusing facebook and generally wasting valuable time I could be using to better my life and came across a BuzzFeed article a ‘friend’ had shared: Belle Was Literally the Fucking Worst. After immediately unfriending that anonymous friend (sorry, Mom), because I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life, I carried on with my mindless internet clicking. But it nagged at the back of my mind - what could Belle, the princess praised for her smarts, and more importantly, beauty, have done to make her so hated?

New Rules of Smith School of Business

As I’m sure you’re patently tired of hearing by now the School of Business is now honoured to hold the name of Stephen Smith, professional money-haver, Finalist in the Caucasian Category of the Pan American Most Obviously Made Up Name Olympics and notably not a graduate of the Queen’s School of Business. Yes as I’m sure the 13 Overheard posts, 15 Facebook statuses and numerous mocking messages left scrawled on Goodes bathroom stalls have now informed you, Mr. Stephen Smith is not a commie but rather a Sci’ 72 straight outta Elec Eng.

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