News

Student Takes Johnson-Brock Shortcut Without Getting Shoes Wet

When the tenants of 368 Brock signed their lease, they had no idea that they would live next to the most frequented walking path in all of the Kingston student ghetto. The path is often considered treacherous terrain for most of the Queen’s student body, with frigid ice fields or vast muddy oceans depending on the season. On any given day, hundreds of students can be seen sliding through the mud on the way to class.

Trump: "We Need Bigger Data"

Being the president in an Internet Age is not an easy role, but Donald Trump seems to have his priorities straight. On Monday, he spoke of the White House's latest initiative: "The United States of America has data, but we need bigger data. We need our computers to be bursting open from all our data". When questioned about his motives in regards to this newfound data, Trump stated the facts: "China has a LOT of data. Their data is BIG. And they won't share it with us". Golden Words has been reassured of the positive impact Trump's initiative will have.

Student Takes Johnson-Brock Shortcut Without Getting Shoes Wet

When the tenants of 368 Brock signed their lease, they had no idea that they would live next to the most frequented walking path in all of the Kingston student ghetto. The path is often considered treacherous terrain for most of the Queen’s student body, with frigid ice fields or vast muddy oceans depending on the season. On any given day, hundreds of students can be seen sliding through the mud on the way to class.

Seasonal Affective Disorder on the Decline, Vampirism on the Rise

As spring quickly approaches, new numbers from Queen’s Student Wellness Services found through anonymous student polling give us new insights on campus health. This year SWS announced a record low number of cases of Seasonal Affective Disorder as well as a record high percentage of vampires on campus.

Student Thinks AMS Interview Went "Solid, I Guess"

Ryan Alton thought that his chance to work at TAPS was close to zero from the beginning. After enjoying going QP for all of his second year, he decided that it was somewhere he wanted to work - and why not? He used his OSAP money for beer and now he needed to pay for his OSAP in a weird cycle of college drinking culture. So he applied online through the AMS website. Luckily for him, he met the initial 3 or more quarter-zip quota and made it to the group interview round. However, this group interview would prove to be more difficult than he expected.

Queen's Professor Finally Figures Out How To Make Projector Work

After years of postdoctoral research on Gauss-Euler homomorphic rings in a Unidirectional field under nonlinear Riemann transformations, Dr. Augustus Yelton made his greatest scientific breakthrough yet. This past Monday, March 20th, Yelton figured out how to turn on the projector before his second lecture of the day. For other mathematicians in his field, the discover is both astounding and a remarkable breakthrough.

I Tried Not Going to Class for a Week, You’ll Never Guess What Happened Next

Ok so in keeping with the proud 21st century tradition of hard hitting Buzzfeed-esque journalism I decided to undertake some sort of stupid experiment for a week to see if anything unexpected happened. The only question was what experiment should I undertake? I considered trying to live with a heroin addiction for a week, but that would be expensive and definitely end up lasting for way more than a week. Next I thought I could try not wearing clothes for a week, but then I realised I do not have the body for that and I’m not sure that my self confidence could take a hit that large.

Grad student hunger games

The School of Graduate Studies has made an announcement of a new and unique way of dealing with the problem of many graduate students constantly vying for the attention of their supervisor. All new graduate students looking to receive attention from their supervisor will be entered into the Supervisor Games where they will fight to the death on Queen’s campus in order to win a single 1 hour sit down slot with their supervisor to discuss what the hell is going on with their thesis. “ For far too long professors have had to be hassled by Masters and PhD students.

Queen's Hospitality Services to Add Edible Food Option to Menu

The Queen’s Hospitality Services has received complaints over the last 2 years of a decreased quality in food. As well as a lack of food options. The head of hospitality services, Mr. Peter Ian Staker, or Mr. P.I. Staker said in an exclusive interview, “the food has definitely been lacking over the last few years in nutritional content and flavour. Our new edible food option will include herbs and spices to give the bland food any taste regardless if it is good or not.

Student Wellness Services To begin “Therapy Dawg” Sessions

Student Wellness Services, along with the help of Jack.org, has begun testing out its new experimental “Therapy Dawg” session in an attempt to better mental health on campus. Based off of the classic therapy dog sessions, “Therapy Dawgs” seek to improve upon the furry friend model by bringing dawgs on campus for students to interact with. By bringing together a variety men from 2004 who are just chill guys, students will be able to interact with various types of “totally dope boys” to de-stress between classes.

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