News

Report: Alistair Wants You To Wait Before You Sign The Lease

THE STUDENT GHETTO: To the surprise of nobody except you, Alistair Bateman, a 1st year prospective POLS major (and your future housemate), is not ready to sign the lease. After much deliberation, Alistair has decided it may be better to wait before any rash actions are taken. Unprompted, Alistair told interviewers “I’m just not sure that we should sign before doing our due diligence. Yes, all of us like the house, but what if we move in and realize we made a mistake?”

Two Classmates Share Subtle Nods Upon Realization That They Both Use Reddit

At 1:55pm on January 11th, two students sitting half-asleep in a MECH323 lecture formed an unbreakable bond after discovering that were both browsing popular social media platform Reddit. Dhamn Daniels was taking notes on gear design, particularly related to the addendum and dedendum circles on the gear teeth, when he decided to take a quick study break and check the recent updates on /r/hiphopheads, the hip-hop forum within Reddit.

Eng That Went High to Graphics Exam Regrets it After Getting Marks Back

As students come back from the break and marks start rolling in, many will be content with the work they put in over exams but others will be distraught with their lack of trying. Tim Thiggins, an Eng frosh falls into the latter category. After talking to his friends he was convinced that if he went high to his first year graphics exam he would ace it. He did not. Tim explains, “yeah man my buddy Nut was telling me that he toked up before the graphics midterm and was able to like visualize the shapes and shit and got like a 95 on it!

Canadian Government Issues Major Health Warning For Realsies

Listen, this day in age everyone is very health-conscious. You’ve got people who are runners, people who get flu vaccinations every year, people who go to the gym, and god forbid: (in a harsh whisper) vegans… Now there are constantly epidemics on the rise that threaten the lives of millions and the very freedom of Canadians. Currently, an unfortunate 1.097 million people (as of 2011) are afflicted with this disease and the number is on the rise everyday. Keep yourself armed with knowledge and a baseball bat with nails in it to beat the hell out of the people that do have it.

Hottest New Escape Room, The United States of America, Opening January 20th

After a controversial year filled with many ups and downs, an extremely fun new trend emerged to take our mind off of the senseless deaths in Hollywood, and the tragedies in places like Aleppo: escape rooms. For the uninitiated, escape rooms are fun experiences where a group of people are locked in a room, and must solve a series of puzzles to finally open the door and escape the room, while under a strict time limit. Escape rooms have quickly gained traction as a quick way to see your friends without any further social commitment!

Get to the Conference - Schwarzenegger for Senator

In the light of the recent U.S. election, ex-Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger has announced that he will be moving to Canada in order to run for some smaller-scale electoral positions. This has lead him to apply as this year’s Senator, which will allow him to use his years of experience within the Engineering Society in order to express the opinions and concerns of us engineer folk.

The Golden Words Nomination List for Queen’s 2018 Honorary Degrees

Nominations for 2018 honorary degrees from Queen’s has opened for real, so GW decided to create our own list of people we think deserve a degree from Queen’s. According to Queen’s, “The university confers honorary degrees on people who have made outstanding contributions to their disciplines or fields of work, community, society, or Queen’s”. As a result I have painstakingly researched into individuals who fulfill these criteria, and have the results.

Shocking! Man Uses Nipples As Fashion Accessory

The male nipple has long been the source of wonder and confusion on the world wide internet. A few of the time old questions have been answered, such as “What are they Made Of?” (man flesh) and “Do They Get Hard?” (maybe if you’re lucky), but the most puzzling question of them all has remained unanswered- until today.

WHAT ARE MALE NIPPLES FOR? ***~**~*~fashion~*~**~***~****~*****

Controversy After Trudeau Praises DVD Release of ‘Nine Lives’

The internet erupted this week with the news that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had tweeted his admiration and respect upon the DVD release of cat-themed children’s movie Nine Lives. Nine Lives, the puzzling children’s movie starring Kevin Spacey as a career-focused father who gets turned into a cat by mystical pet shop owner Christopher Walken, opened in theatres earlier this year. The movie, which currently sits at 7% on Rotten Tomatoes, was released last Friday on Blu-Ray and DVD in North America.

Girl Who Consistently Overreacts Announces She Hates Drama

Jennifer Vandreet, fourth year Commerce Student, has written a 15 paragraph, 7000 word Facebook post announcing to her friends and followers that she hates drama. The Facebook post, which was originally published on November 5th, was originally overshadowed by Science Formal occurring on the same day and only received 2 shares and 37 likes. In wake of the oversight of her peers, Jennifer bravely decided to reshare the post to her own timeline just yesterday. “I just really wanted people to know where I’m at with my life,” Jennifer revealed in a Golden Words exclusive interview.

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