AMS Health & Dental Plan to Change

The AMS announced at a press conference Monday, September 15 an epidemic sweeping the campus and a change in the student health care plan in response. This announcement came during the ‘opt-out’ stage of the AMS Health and Dental Plan. It is rumoured that this year has seen a 27% increase in students choosing to use alternative plans. Golden Words sources that will remain unnamed speculate that this announcement is a stunt to regain funds that are largely redirected into groups such as the AMS Christmas Party and spring break fund, but this remains unproven.

Queen's Student Discovers Pythagorean Theorem

It was just an average trip to the grocery store, or so Hippasus - a student of Queen’s University - thought. Leaving his house located at Victoria and Princess Street with his shopping list in hand, he took the usual route: south to Brock Street, east to Barrie.

Queen's Journal: Trollophobic

In an uncharacteristically cruel twist on their usual inclusive drivel, the Queen’s Journal has shown its ugly side: a recently published article revealed deep veins of trollophobia. Anonymous online trolls, a sensitive, underrepresented minority among the student population, were reviled as “sadistic”, “psychopathic”, and even “narcissistic”, labels which were unjustly earned after one Journal reporter was probably made fun of by someone once.

Uninspired Students Produce Mediocre Work For A Non-Profit They Joined Only To Put Volunteering On Their Resume

Ermin Jones is one of several students who are a part of QDASORS (Queens Does All Sorts Of Random Shit). He is the Information Co-ordinator, one of several positions with fancy titles and little to no responsibility. What does he do? “I ensure that companies who actually bother to do background checks on volunteer organizations we co-ordinate, make up, or affiliate with, are not exposed as total bullshit. These days it’s easier to just have a minimal commitment to some sort of social justice, and it sure as hell beats bitching on Tumblr.

A Frosh Guide to Faculties at Queen’s

Arts and Science -
The largest faculty at Queen’s, ‘Artsci’ as it is known affectionately by a faculty that’s supposed to be good at words, will have you know that it’s also the easiest degree you can acquire at Queen’s. That’s not technically true - it can be super-hard if you have difficulty writing essays, basic memorization, lack any ‘social media skills’ (that’s basically where all the artsci jobs are), or are a dog. Other than that, its a pretty easy and you have a lot of free time time to “chill out” (smoke weed).

Fine Arts -

‘Boo Hoo’ The Bear Mascot Put Down

Final Words, “No Wait , I’m a real person!”

Five Frosh Week Lies, Corrected

Dear Frosh,

Frosh Continue Proud Tradition Of Asking Stupid Questions

“How many pages of notes do you take each class?”, “How do I tell my prof I won’t be able to make a lecture?”, “Can I really not use mechanical pencils in exams?” These are all just some of the obviously irrelevant, weirdly specific or just plain idiotic questions that have been heard all across Queen’s as frosh have flocked to Kingston eager to start their four or five years descent into crippling debt that some prefer to call higher education.

Alarm Force to Offer Frosh Proofing Service

It is that time of year again. A new batch of insecure and frightened youths, commonly referred to as ‘frosh’, have decided to call Queen’s University home for the next four or five years. The first few weeks that a frosh spends on campus can be tumultuous and confusing. As a natural response to their insecurity, frosh tend to flock together at night time. Their natural friend making and mating process causes flocks of frosh to roam through the student ghetto in the evening searching for alcohol.