News

Troubling Report Finds Dads Now Ignore Their Kids using Tablet Rather than Newspaper

    A new survey released by the Pew Research Center revealed that a staggering 70% of dads have switched to digital means to ignore their children with. When asked if they still read a daily print newspaper instead of spending quality time with their children, only 13% said yes, while tablets represent the overwhelmingly favourable choice. Factoring in all mobile devices, this number lept to 85%. 2% of respondents said that they did not ignore their children, but no one gives a shit about those goody-goody bastards anyway.

Overseen on Aberdeen: SPD Edition

    If you were like me, and somehow managed to drag your still drunken ass over to that 8:30 class from hell friday morning, I say congratulations: You are at the pinnacle of your university career; first-years look up to you, your housemates envy you, and your professors think mildly better of you. Breathe in that smell of lasts nights jello shots and suppress that gag reflex, because you are a winner!

Nihilists Take Up Chalk Drawing

    Andrew Malone was distraught when he was walking to class on monday morning. Passing by Jeffery he noticed the literal and metaphorical writing on the wall. Once again had yet another Queen’s group had vandalized our beautiful campus with ‘motivational’ messages. Seeing quotes such as “You can do it, don’t give up”, and “see the beauty in the world around you” Malone noticed the serious bias tolerated by the university and propagated by these groups. Not wanting to just stand by, he took action. 

Student Prepares to Write Chastising post on Overheard

3:00 PM - Wednesday March 16th. 
    THE STUDENT GHETTO - Online hero and warrior of justice Tanner Reynolds, 20, is a third year student in development studies at Queen’s University. Describing himself as a “proponent of modern chivalry”, true knight Tanner Reynolds is a man who wants to change the world.
    “If you want to change the world, you have to start small”, the progressive Reynolds told Golden Worlds in an exclusive interview. “Every little effort counts”.

Principal Woolf to Shotgun Inaugural Beer on Aberdeen

    Principal Woolf has announced that he himself will shotgun the inaugural beer on Aberdeen street Thursday morning.  The shotgun is to take place at 8:30 AM sharp to mark the first classes skipped of the day.  The beer being shotgunned?  Guinness of course.  Firstly because it’s Irish, and secondly because being able to successfully shotgun a Guinness is a feat the completion of which Principal Woolf hopes will earn him respect from Queen’s students.  After making a chuckling quip about shotgunning a beer for St.

FuckFace McGee Announces Candidacy for U.S Presidential Race

In response to the general consensus that there are literally no viable candidates in the running for president of the United States, former AMS Presidential hopeful FuckFace McGee has thrown his hat in the ring. FuckFace will be running for the independent “Toga Party” under a radical platform of widespread reform that lacks any degree of consistency. Golden Words has obtained a copy of Mr. McGee’s platform and would like to share it with you while officially announcing our endorsement of FuckFace McGee for President of the U.S.

MAKE QUEEN'S GREAT AGAIN

The following transcript is from a speech delivered by Donald Trump to the Young Republicans of Kingston Organisation.
Hello students. Let me just say that I love Queen’s. It’s a great place. One of the greatest places in the world.  I know because I’ve been there. In fact I am standing here right now.

Kingston Squirrels working for ISIS??

    The next wave of radical islamic terrorism has arrived.  It weighs three pounds, has a furry tail, and possesses no concept of morality.  It is the ultimate killing machine.  It is the Kingston squirrel.  I may have no evidence for this claim, but here at Golden Fox News we don’t deal in evidence, we deal in the first erroneous claim that comes to our heads and I think I’m onto something with this one.

Global Warming Myths!

In recent years, there has been a lot of discussion about this controversial probably untrue issue, so we at Golden Fox News felt that we needed to clarify a few things about this so-called myth. As you know, we pride ourselves in our unbiased presentation of the facts– that we gathered ourselves from a very credible team of well paid scientists–to bring you the truth about Global Warming. 
Myth: Human activities have caused carbon dioxide emissions to increase dramatically.

Guest Ed: Oregon Militia

Welcome one, welcome all, to Fox News presenting Golden Words. As you may now know, the classic fiscal mismanagement of doddering liberals at Queen’s University in general and Golden Words in particular has led to some financial distress on the part of Canada’s other National Newspaper. We at Fox Corporation saw the value of some good old fashioned corporate buyouts to teach you students a lesson on the untamed jungle that is the free market, we have bought out Golden Words.

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