We’ve all done it. Against better judgement, the shining glare of the purple GPA brings you in. And once you’re in, that’s it. Welcome to the world of things you’ll never understand and yet a world you’ll never leave. So if you can’t resist (like me) keep in mind the following things to hopefully help you navigate the bizarre, unpredictable and straight fucked up waters of dating an engineer.

1. All things frosh week. You won’t understand, you won’t be involved. But you will have purple stained sheets from their dicks being purple and pit flu for the next two weeks (Also never question what is in the pit... Just be prepared to hold your breath as you drag home a nasty GPA to wash and count down the days until they cut the hair/beard they’ve been growing out all summer)

2. FRECs. “Don’t worry I’m fine” after Wreck the Frec actually translates into: cleaning up their puke from their bed, from them and unfortunately from you for the next four hours. You will really question your life choices when you’re bleaching their sheets and wondering if this could possibly be worth looking cute wearing an oversized GPA on Hoco

3. The Tea Room. This cute, underrated little study spot with delicious treats and tea will go from being your favourite place to ‘no mans land’ as you attempt to avoid all possible interactions post-break up. Murphy’s Law will ensure that you will see them. Every single time. So don’t get too attached and don’t fret - your Earl Grey Tea Latte will be patiently waiting for you at Starbucks down the road.

4. Intelligence. It doesn’t matter if you’re pre-med or pre-law, you’ll probably get asked to diagnose the ‘weird pain in my neck’ or to correct poorly written essays for electives they do not want to take. Just do it. Embrace the grammatical errors and be prepared for an attempted compliment along the lines of “Oh Wow! You’re actually pretty smart - it’s just in a… different way!” Here is where you can perfect the ‘smile and nod’ before excusing yourself to save your sanity (and your relationship)

5. EngSoc. The one word excuse for everything. It’ll switch from good, to bad, back to good. When they don’t get FREC? Finally get that position they’ve applied for? Welcome to Thursdays waiting for council to end and losing your boyfriend into the depths of a cult from which they may never return. Upside? At least you’ll FINALLY have something to bond with his housemates over, as you’re all pissed EngSoc has taken over his life. In sum, a simple math equation for ArtSci’s to help everyone understand: EngSoc > >Everything

6. Fixing Everything. You will come to expect that they will want to fix your wifi/lightbulb/life. What you will also come to realize is that Apple Math Computing doesn’t actually mean they will know how to diagnose and fix your MacBook every time it shuts down unexpectedly. But they will try. And you will laugh as your seemingly nerdy physics boyfriend attempts to use equations to build your IKEA furniture and you will probably fall even more in love with something you don’t understand.

7. Eng Girls. Be prepared for every girl to be just ‘one of the boys’. Girls in engineering are few and far in between. So when he’s spending five nights in a row studying with the same girl until 4 am in the ILC, accept it. Bring snacks and try to befriend. These girls are their friends, and might actually be your lifeline to trying to understand the logic in your relationship. On that note - engineer logic doesn’t always transfer into relationship logic. Be prepared for a lot of “did you actually think that was what I meant?!” conversations.

8. Sweaters. One of the highlights of dating an engineer. They love their faculty and this means they will buy every engineering sweater available. Personal favourites are the faculty quarter zips and the highly sought out FREC sweaters.Use this to bond with other house girlfriends as you sneak out in the morning in matching Quis Dolor hoodies. If you’re lucky (I was very ~blessed~) you will develop a lifelong friendship with someone who understands and appreciates the ups and downs of being an ‘eng girlfriend’.

9. XXX. Be prepared for an unending list of creative ways in an attempt to ask you to do this. They may take the path of not-so-subtle hints, or maybe prefaced with a sushi date and an awkwardly phrased “it would be really fun for you too!” or maybe even an unintelligible drunk text during half-time of the homecoming football game. Either way, they’ll ask. You’ll consider it. And in the end, if you can make it happen, go for it. Nothing says Queen’s like having sex in a dirty campus building with a purpled dick.

10. Sci Formal. The end goal. The real reason you have dealt with numbers 1-9. This is what makes it worth it. You probably already have a dress in mind. And you probably have a preference for his housemates’ dates. To be honest, I’m not sure what is so special about a formal that is over-priced and requires you to commit to hours of work. But it is the holy grail of dating an engineer. The dress, the pictures and the hope that your relationship will last until the end of fourth year because their job security is looking a lot better for them than it is for you.

So there it is. A guide to dating (and sometimes surviving a breakup with) an engineer. We love them. We hate them. We love to hate them. But at the end of the day, they are Queen’s Eng. I’ve been told that maybe I should branch out, experience other faculties. Maybe the Artsci boy-next-door who will make time for me despite having more AMS office hours than class. Or maybe trade the morning-after hoodies for the dress shirts of the parent-approved Commie with pointy dress shoes. And maybe I will.

But until then I will continue to scope out the GPAs in the crowd, scan the library for the notebooks with the illegible equations and wait patiently around the Tea Room for my knight in shining (Golden Party) armour to sweep me off of my feet