Girl Who Consistently Overreacts Announces She Hates Drama
Jennifer Vandreet, fourth year Commerce Student, has written a 15 paragraph, 7000 word Facebook post announcing to her friends and followers that she hates drama. The Facebook post, which was originally published on November 5th, was originally overshadowed by Science Formal occurring on the same day and only received 2 shares and 37 likes. In wake of the oversight of her peers, Jennifer bravely decided to reshare the post to her own timeline just yesterday. “I just really wanted people to know where I’m at with my life,” Jennifer revealed in a Golden Words exclusive interview. “I need everyone in my life to realize that I am in fourth year, and I’m so busy I might die, and I just have absolutely zero time for everyone else’s drama.”
Over the course of the heart wrenching conversation, it was revealed that the last time Jennifer went out, she could only spare the time to get 6 guys to buy her a drink at Stages. “One of them wasn’t even a 7/10.” she says as she wipes the tears from her eyes. “He was a straight up 6! But I had to do it because EVERYONE in the club was doing ice-out-vodka-crans, and I couldn’t be the only one not doing it.”
Jennifer was willing to give us the breakdown of her new life post-reshared Facebook status. “So basically, I got like 245 likes, 30 loves, 16 wows, and 57 angrys on my post. Also, 46 people shared it and at like 23 of them called me “an inspiration” and a “breath of fresh air”, because I’m focusing on the “me” I need to be, and I am just living my life the way I like it, and I’m ignoring the things that people do that I hate. It’s really given me a zen namaste brand I think, and people are really feeling it on my social media accounts. My insta has gained 73 followers even!” Unfortunately, with every small Facebook victory, there is a calamity waiting to happen. For Jennifer, Stacy is that calamity.
“OK- don’t EVEN get me started on fucking Stacy. That girl thinks she can paraphrase a few bullshit quotes from Mother Teresa or the Dalai Lama or Gandhi or whoever the fuck she wants, slap it in a tweet and say she’s drama free? Well let me tell you–being drama free isn’t as easy as I make it out to me. It is TOUGH tough work scrolling by relationship quarrels on Facebook and not watching Kim make out with Amy’s BF on snapchat–but I am doing it! Stacy is only being drama free because I’M drama-free, and that isn’t what this philosophy is about.”
Jennifer’s future plans are ending her friendship with Stacy and only focusing on her relationships with her male friends. “I mean, I’ve slept with a few of them, but trust me: guys are just soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much less drama than girl friends, and you can quote me on that”.