Wow! Mike Pence Condemns Hamilton Cast In Audience At His One-Man Magic Show
A mere week ago, VP-elect Mike Pence was chastised during a performance of Hamilton in New York City for the ways in which his administration would potential act for certain minorities. In a stunning turn of events, the cast of Hamilton found themselves in a tight spot when they realized that they were sitting front row at none other than Zap!: A Mike Pence Night of Magic and faced an earful from Pence after the show.
The cast had spent the night out, having progressive millennial fun on the town, and decided to make their last stop at the local comedy club. They took their seats, and ordered some ‘free range hops’ organic lagers, and got comfortable. After the first couple acts made several jokes which could be construed as discriminatory, the award-winning cast of Hamilton laughed it off as masterful irony and critique of systemic barriers. Their tune changed however, once they caught word of VP-elect Mike Pence himself performing his signature magic show as the headlining act.
At 10:45pm, Mike Pence took the stage. He warmed up with some classic magic tricks, like making pigeons appear out of sleeve, guessing the card of an audience member, and expanding the online surveillance capabilities of the NSA. At this point, the cast was visibly upset, but had heard a lot of good things about Pence’s illusions, and decided to stick around out of curiosity.
At 11:30pm, Pence wheeled out a large stretcher, and told the audience to prepare for his “shocking” final trick. He then asked for a volunteer. The volunteer, named Conroy, introduced himself and got up on stage. Mike instructed him to get into the stretcher, and then just as Pence was about to hit the switch, the comedy club manager told Pence that he could not perform his final trick. Conroy sat back down in his seat and Mike stood at the front of the stage, sadness in his eyes, muttering about political correctness destroying the fabric of America and magic tricks. He locked eyes with Daveed Diggs, the esteemed actor and rapper responsible for portraying both Marquis de Lafayette and Thomas Jefferson in the original Broadway production, and made the following statement:
“Thank you so much for joining me tonight. You know, we had some guests in the audience this evening- the cast of hit Broadway sensation Hamilton. And Lin-Manuel, I see that you’re walking out right now, but I hope you will hear me out for just a few more moments. I am the true American - firm in his family values, blue-collar, ex-military, and against anything different than what I know. I hope that this show has inspired you to reconnect with these deeply American values.”
The audience, mostly members of the Ex-Military Magicians Alliance Against Everyone, were quick to applaud Pence’s statement and share it on popular social media applications such as Myspace, and Windows Media Player. It quickly hit beloved media outlet Breitbart News, and became a contentious issue world-wide.
Lin-Manuel Miranda released a series of disparaging tweets condemning Mike Pence and asking him to retract his harassing comments. Miranda claimed to have been triggered by Pence’s comments, and was generally having a pretty shitty day earlier than that. Pence, surprisingly, realized the error of his ways, and legally changed his name to Mie Penice to stand in solidarity with the homosexual community. Wait just kidding, he’s still a douche who’s going to be in the White House.