Looking for love? Falling out of it? Just need some d? Hi, I’m Gorgon the Skull Crusher, PhD in psychotherapy, Destroyer of Zartan and an ear for listening to all of your problems. Growing up, I served as a commander of the Zartanian militia, tearing the limbs off my enemies, drinking the blood of my victims. During my tours in the Karlaxic nebula, I took an online course from the University of Phoenix in psychology and learned so much about myself and how I treated those I cared about. Since then I’ve dedicated my life to the absolute annihilation of the Truskan hordes and helping young adults navigate through love, aiding their transition from random hookups into adult relationships along with life advice. Each week I try my best to solve some student issues, showing our correspondence where I give advice from my personal experiences, and hopefully teaching a thing or two to my readers as well.

Hi Gorgon,
I’m a long time reader of your column and after seeing you solve so many student’s problems, I think you can help me out. I met this girl at a party this past weekend and I really like her. We connected on so many levels, but before I could get her number she had to leave with her friends. I can still see her red hair as she left the house. At this point, I don’t know if there’s anything there or even how I would go about it, all I know is that I have to see her one more time. What do I do?</p>
Alex Mathers

Hi Alex,
I always like to hear from one of my readers. First, it sounds like the girl really left an impression on you. Sometimes when you find something great, it’s worth the chase, like chasing down a pack of Truskan scum through a thick forest, firing rounds of high velocity xenon pulses until you pierce their hearts (just like she touched yours). If you truly want her, you have to find her first. Trying to track her down in a big university can be as tough as tracking down a wild vulfzycker! Something that I feel has been lost in your generation are large gestures of affection. So many kids these days can hide behind their phones, computers and beam rifles that putting yourself out there can be difficult. Try something big, like stapling the hearts of your foes to lamp posts! A grand gesture like that can go a long way. Going a bit deeper though, it seems as though you have a bit of self doubt that you should work through before committing yourself to a relationship. In battle, your capability to mutilate the bodies of the enemy is only as good as you think it is. Confidence is key, but that comes from a stronger feeling of self worth. I wouldn’t be the disemboweling, throat ripping, spine smashing killer I am today if I didn’t believe in myself. The first step is to focus on being the best version of you that you can be, and then everything else will fall into place.
Gorgon the Skull Crusher

Hi Gorgon,
I really took your advice to heart and after some deep self reflection I realized I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I had felt as though there was something in my life I had to fill that I mistook for wanting a relationship. Now I’m left confused and conflicted. Where do I go from here?
Alex Mathers

Hi Alex,
This is a natural way to feel after a large shift in one’s view on life. Right now, you’re aim shouldn’t be to discover who you are, it should be to remember who you are. Sometimes I found myself in the middle of astro-trench warfare, defending outposts against hordes of syrillian grunt soliders, shielding my comrades against high impact caesium mortar fire when I think to myself, “Is this how I want to live my life?” Those are the times when I remember why I joined the Zartanian militia: I was meant to rip apart my enemies, limb from limb. Find your passion. What did you enjoy as a kid? Sometimes it’s the things you decided you enjoyed as an innocent child that turn out to be what you want to do with your life. I found an old journal of mine a few months ago, filled with dreams of grinding the organs of my adversaries, feeding the mulch to my prisoners. It’s just another way I know I’m in the right job.
Gorgon the Skull Crusher

Hi Gorgon,
I’d just like to say thank you so much for your help. I’ve now taken up painting, something I haven’t done in forever! It helps, and I’m slowly starting to see life from a fresh new perspective. Thanks Gorgon, you’ve truly changed my life for the better.
Alex Mathers

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