Ok, yeah, this is exactly like the movie Split ™ by M. Night Shyamalan. Isn’t MPD just twins in one place? Aren’t twins just the best two for one deal of all time?

Anyways, through love, loss and retribution I have been able to uncover the path to eternal love. This is loving yourself. What I found in my travels through time and space was that true and everlasting love does not come from outside, we all have it within. I knew this the moment I watched the new blockbuster Split ™ by M. Night Shyamalan. Not only was this a smash hit thriller and a mega comeback from Sixth Sense’s M. Night Shyamalan, but it was also a gateway into a world of real love.

The movie Split ™ by M. Night Shyamalan offered up a world of possibility. Why do we waste our time with people who don’t appreciate or understand us when we could be having a deep honest connection. I myself have had enough of these lousy meaningless disposable-8 year relationships, and want something more real.

So, using the plot of Split ™ by M. Night Shyamalan, I have discovered a self help guide to loving yourself-by splitting your personality in two.

The first step to this self-love phenomenon is actually I don’t know, this a very complex mental disorder and I also haven’t even seen the movie.

The second step is to overcommit to things so one night you are so overbooked that you have to do that thing where you pretend to be in the same place at once, like in every sit-com we watched when we were 12. Keep doing this weekend after weekend and you may start to believe you, yourself, are two people.

The third is to check yourself into a psychiatric ward and go through the treatment backwards in hopes of getting a real Multiple Personality Disorder. This way is really great, because you get to make a lot of friends.

The fourth is to invest all your money in the most forward thinking cloning technology on the market. Wait 8 years. Cloning will be super fucking sick like at this point you won’t even need my step by step guide because not only will you have a clone of yourself you can love eternally, but you also will have a clone of yourself to take the garbage out, to wash your hair and do like do other stuff you need. Would banging your own clone be masterbating? Would it be gay? There’s probably a sexuality ism for that and I just don’t know it, and NO, I will not look it up, I have better stuff to do.

Back to the movie Split ™ by M. Night Shyamalan. I haven’t seen it so since we are talking about it here are my fan-theory predictions for how it will go:

One of the personalities will be the most desireable and all the other personalities will compete for its love, and over the span of a seasons worth of episode the desirable personality will kick out the others one by one until it finds its true love personality.

It’s actually just a set of 23 twins. Twenty-threeuplets.

It’s actually 8 years in the future and it’s a bunch of clones.

It’s actually just an aspiring actor, trying out all his character on a couple of pretty rude viewers.

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