As students come back from the break and marks start rolling in, many will be content with the work they put in over exams but others will be distraught with their lack of trying. Tim Thiggins, an Eng frosh falls into the latter category. After talking to his friends he was convinced that if he went high to his first year graphics exam he would ace it. He did not. Tim explains, “yeah man my buddy Nut was telling me that he toked up before the graphics midterm and was able to like visualize the shapes and shit and got like a 95 on it! So I figured if it worked for him then it’s gotta work for me right?” What Tim wasn’t aware of was that his friend Nut was valedictorian of his high school and is one of those kids that literally gets 90+ on anything he touches.

When Tim checked his marks he was not happy, “Yeah dude I frickin’ failed the exam! I guess I shouldn’t have finished off my last gram of weed before the exam and honestly it didn’t even help. I kinda just fumbled around and ended up writing my entire autobiography on the test paper”. We tried to locate the exam but academic integrity dictates that only the student has access to his or her paper.

This is only one of many cases where students get high before exams thinking that they “will be able to visualize the problems better” but really they just end of being stoned and drooling all over the paper. Tim continues, “I think the worst part is that, when I smoke, I get really horny. So you know I had to take a bathroom break to JO. I can’t confirm it, but the proctor that took me definitely heard.”

It’s not only dangerous to the student’s’ GPA, but also to their bodies. As Tim tells us, “When the munchies hit I didn’t have anything to eat, so I kind of just peeled some skin off my hands and arms and ate that to satiate me. I’m not gonna lie, it was pretty good, but I think I got blood all over my exam.” Tim had to go to the hospital over break to get skin grafts. When asked by his father what happened, Tim told him he had no idea how bite marks got into his skin. He goes further: “honestly for the first time in my life I fear that I thirst for blood and the taste of human flesh. I’m definitely taking a tolerance break for a couple weeks...Eh then again it’s Frost Week so most of my friends will be seshing every night so I’ll see what I can do”. Tim didn’t really seem concerned that he would have to retake the course: “To be honest I’ll also have to retake first year physics–cause I went high to that exam too”.

We caught up with Nut later on to get this side of story, “Tim got really into weed this semester and kinda into human flesh. He started smoking regularly and when I told him I toked up before my graphics midterm his eyes lit up. I’m kinda scared for my life though cause he keeps pricking me with pins and shit and drinking my blood but hey, the munchies make you do some weird stuff!”

Hopefully this epidemic slows down as more students realize that going high to exams is never a good idea, unless you’re Nut. Nut can pretty much do anything.

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