Mid-day yesterday, I came to a startling realization and things haven’t been the same since my diagnostic. My humor in the past couple of weeks or so have been steadily changing and I have felt myself growing more and more irritable. How could this be so? I am a chill girl-that’s my thing. I’m like such a chill girl, like most of my friends are boys, like I’m just one of the guys.

But suspicion arose on Bachelor night at QP on Monday when my bestie Miranda said “maybe you’ve been such a bitch recently because of like, Josh!” and to be quite honest with you ladies, in the past couple weeks Josh has just become such a bitch, like omg.

He takes like five minutes to answer any text. Josh thinks he’s like so hot too, I saw him with Rachel the other night at Stages and he better not have tried anything because she is so out of his league like honestly he’s a 6.8 at best. He’s also like soo annoying recently like the other day he told me a story that I had already heard from Matt-like are you fucking serious Josh? Also everytime I ask Josh to do something he bailed last minute and gave me a badly made-up excuse like “oh I’m helping my grandma move into a retirement home” like do you think I have time for this Josh? And honestly where the fuck were you on Sunday Josh like we both made a commitment and you are really letting me down here.

Despite all this, in my truest of hearts I did not really believe Josh to be the perpetrator of my ill-will with the world-since I’m like, super laid back and I do not even care enough to start drama, like I’m above that. But to my surprise, I was exactly right. It wasn’t Josh. After consulting the internationally trusted authority of WebMD, I found my symptom to directly link me to a very serious condition. I told you in the title dummy, but I’ll tell you again; I am sorry to announce I have a brain tumor. Its pretty heavy stuff and I’ve had sometime to grieve, but I just want it to be known.

BOOM we made it to the punchline and honestly I don’t really want to push this thing any further because it could go to a disrespectful place. So instead I want to give my two cents on WebMD and other online medical websites. Can you guys chill the fuck out? This title is a joke but maybe as a little disclaimer when I type any weird brain activity do not link me to cancer first. I swear I’m going to get cancer off of online medical placebo effect.

Also another thing, congrats JPB on the thingy, I don’t want to get into my personal political agenda but I have one little boner to pick. Why the heck would varsity get “varsity” on their transcripts? Oh you say “it’s an easy indicator to start more recognition of extracurriculars?” yeah well guess what? That sets such a weird unbalanced perspective of student involvement and last time I checked I didn’t get Ale line-skip for doing this. Oh yeah baby this is extra curricular as fuck and it’s super time consuming and I work really hard and I do important stuff such as this:

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