Hey guys, what’s up, me again, I am back and I have some things I think we should think about for half of week 5 and 1 day into week 6. This is not a lot of time I am asking you to consider - it’s like 3 hangovers and one brunch with your boyfriend’s parents. It’s fine. I swear it.

Ok - let’s talk about sex? Are you having it? Is it freaky? Do you have a banner on your house that lets the people know you are sexually active? Haha nice, I bet everyone who sees it is proud of you and your exploits. But did you know, that the last time I had sex, everyone kept telling me the girl I banged was a lesbian? I know - so rude - when I bang a guy, everyone is like “wow dude, so tight” and like “that’s wicked, dog” and “was her room clean?” but when I bang a girl, everyone is like “woah that’s so progressive” or “I didn’t realize you were pansexual” or like “what other hot lesbians are there on campus?”.

LET ME clear something up for all you bigots and judgmental haters: when I am getting it on with a lady, she is just as cool and nice as when I get it on with a guy. In fact, she has all the inside info on what the female body, and she still hooked up with me and my weird inverted nipple. That’s what being a legend is, you friggen nerds.

Since we’ve cleared that up- thought number two is coming right at you, bitches. Once I think of it. Ok - ok - here we go - if I don’t even really like football, do I have to get blackout drunk at a Super Bowl party to find my future lifemate? Partner? Idk whatever fuck - point is - I don’t really feel like getting blackout, I do feel like eating a lot of mozzarella sticks, and I do want to MONS (makeout no sex for those just tuning in this week). I definitely don’t want to have sex, but a little make out after I eat 17 wings and a fistbull of Cheetos? Oh fuck ya baby, count this tiger in.

But I am getting kind of old and it’s week 5 and fourth year and I am still single? SO - I am asking you, the viewers, to help me solve this riddle. DO I NEED TO BE BLACKOUT TO FIND MY SOULMATE? It’s time, my friggen mom said my soulmate would be at this goddamn university and yet. AND YET. Here I am: soulmateless. Is this my last shot? I fucking hate football, why does my soulmate have to like a sport that takes 6 hours to watch? It’s exhausting. It’s like, almost 18 animes in the span of one game. 18 animes, or 1 game, what’s the better value? You tell me, and the numbers don’t lie.

Ok ok ok ok ok ok - Facebook us at Golden Words to let me know about my soulmate. You probably know more than me about it.

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