Alright champs, here’s the 411: Acceptance offers have been going out for a while now, which means that next year's students will need to learn how to navigate campus sometime within the next six months. This gives me a prime opportunity to ask some questions that have been plaguing me for all six months I’ve been here: What is a road? What is a pathway? Do blue vans have more rights than me? I’ve been giving this some serious thought over the past few weeks and I think I’m starting to get a better picture of what constitutes a “road”, here are some specific examples of surfaces around campus that may confuse you:

Between McNeil, Leonard, and Gordon
This whole area is one big road, even the grass, no doubt about it, 100% not a pathway. If you’re walking back you have about as many rights as a traffic pylon, possibly even less, according to the good people at the physical plant services. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen an semi back there, in fact, I’m confused why pedestrians are even allowed in that area. The trek to Lenny can be downright dangerous if you have to walk across that highway.

The Area Between University and Arch, and Union and Stuart
Road. This entire area is a road. The space between Clark and Nicol? Road. Between Ontario and Grant? Road. Professor’s Walk? More like Professor’s Road. I’ve seen people walking down the “pathway” between Ontario and Fleming with a blue van less than three feet behind them. It’s crucial to remember that if you’re on pavement, you have no rights.

Between Mac-Correy, Ellis, Jeffery and Harrison-LeCaine
Trick question: Neither. This is actually a parking lot. The parking spots are wherever you want them to be. If anyone asks you what you’re doing parking where no car realistically needs to be parked, just tell them you’re with physical plant services, and that the silver 2012 Honda Civic that you’re driving is actually a blue van in disguise.

Fifth Field Company Lane
This one’s actually just a road.

Literally any sidewalk
It’s a little-known Kingston by-law that sidewalks in the University District are actually not subject to the same parking restrictions as the rest of Kingston. There’s a clause that allows blue vans to park freely on any sidewalk on campus. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?

In conclusion, literally any fucking surface flat enough to conceivably be driven on is a road.

Safe walking,