Everyone who’s taken advantage of the Queen’s meal plan personally identifies with a food item offered on the menu. For example, I personally identify as Bacon Spinach Alfredo Pizza. Everyone has an item for every state: Sober, drunk, high, or all of the above. But if faculties were meal plan foods, what would they be? To be clear and concise, low quality image macros and gifs have been removed from this piece.

Arts & Science - 4 Piece
You got to the front of the line, then you realized you need to chose something. Maybe you should have been thinking about this decision earlier? Well, now that you’re here, might as well chose the most generic on the menu.

Commerce - Starbucks at Goodes
Did you know there’s a starbucks in Goodes? Neither did I. This is perfect for you if you’re the type of the person who gets caught jacking off in front of a mirror. Starbucks is a status symbol too; you’re on a student budget but you miraculously have enough money to afford 20 shots of espresso over ice in a venti cup. Truly miraculous. Don’t forget to thank Dad later!

Engineering - Tim’s
Long line to get in the door, good bang for your buck once you’re in. You might occasionally leave feeling absolutely disgusted with yourself, but that’s just part of the experience. Also the only place selling caffeine cheap enough and fast enough to meet your needs.

Nursing - Loco Salads
Much like the their jackets, this is a friendly choice, very considerate, very kind. No animals were harmed in the making of this salad. This is an easy choice as I’ve never seen a man eating a “Location” Salad.

Music - CGC
Fun, tasty, and unjustifiably expensive for a single meal. You’re left knowing you had fun but simultaneously wondering if it was all worth it. At least you have something cool for the talent show.

Con Ed - Quinoa Burger
Most people’s attitudes towards Concurrent Education resembles their attitudes towards a quinoa burger, they haven’t tried it and they realistically never will. I also once saw someone with a neck full hickies eating one, what’s up with that?