As many of you noticed, and then immediately complained about on social media, there was a recent spring snowstorm in Kingston. Which can only mean one thing: summer is just around the corner!
Yeup. Southern Ontario is subject to a warm summer continental climate system. That means that the weather can be subject to both cold, dry arctic air masses as well as warm, moist sub-tropical air masses, which can collide and create basically a clusterfuck of weather patterns. Yeah, that’s right - I took GPHY 102 and spent many an afternoon on Wikipedia. Science!
But regardless, in this editorial I will actually try and make a coherent argument. I know, big shock.
In the following paper editorial I will posit that summer is fucking awesome. This position is argued by many famous academics, such as instagram scholar Jessie_xoxo, who recently shared a photo of her standing on a beach at sunset in a bikini with the caption “Take me backkk :).” This photo gathered 20 hearts (likes) on the site, which is like an academic source being cited by 20 different professors.
There is also a general consensus on campus that the student body is pro-summer. Most students, when polled with the question “would you rather be fucking freezing to death walking to class or lying in a hammock in the sun” chose the latter. This consensus parallels the percentage of students that oppose racism and homophobia. Therefore, if you hate summer, you’re also a racist homophobe.
Its really hard to argue against summer. Even if you dislike it, the rest of the planet sure doesn't. Look at nature, dead or hibernating in the winter, it comes alive during the summer. Did you know there are other animals besides squirrels? Winter can make you forget that there are thousands of species that call the Kingston area home. Given, most of them are insects, which can get quite annoying, but bathe yourself in OFF! and you’ll be good to go.
One of the more beneficial species that come alive during the summer are human beings - specifically hot ones. In summer, you’d be hard pressed to find someone under the age of 30 that isn’t somewhat attractive - or at least more attractive than they were during wintertime. Winter covers up the body, and makes you cracked, worn and run down. For fuck’s sake, until modern medicine came around, winter used to kill people! Now they live on to soak in the summer heat. For the purposes of equality, I won’t mention which types of people I would prefer to see half-naked than the other, but lets just say its the one with the boobs.
Summer is also a time where you don’t have to worry about school and instead worry about finding a job, making money and which party to go to. So school without the school work, plus the added benefit of it being really warm.
Really, despite trying to make a funny article about it, summer is legitimately the best time of the year. So get out there and have a great time! (Unless you’re one of those people that love winter. In that case, I’ll see you in the unpredictable, frozen Hell that is Kingston from October to April.)