It’s me again, that guy who seemingly at random appeared on our newspaper last week to write about International Men’s Day. Now that the old Golden Words administration has successfully been overthrown, Brendan and I can finally set things straight and talk about “the real issues.” Viva La Revolución - your new editors are here to help you find the secret meaning of life and guide you in these turbulent times!

With all of this in mind, I want to talk about some very real issues that plague our student population: namely exams, stress, health, and the disastrous Athenian invasion of Sicily that nearly lost them the Peloponnesian war, all thanks to corrupt political schemers who cared more about their own positions than the good of the Empire – and for what - a few extra Drachma in their pockets? Disgusting.

In a time like this, in mid-March, it is more important than ever to keep your head on. Start thinking about exams now – think about all those lingering things you know you’re going to have to deal with, and do them now before it’s too late. Put the time in now to save time later. It will save you a lot of stress down the line when you get busy. This may all sound like basic stuff, but it helps to know. If the Athenian general Nicias had not procrastinated so much and had actually assaulted the Syracusans, then maybe he wouldn’t have been swamped with metaphorical work as literal troops reinforced the Syracusans, and trapped and massacred his entire expedition in a disaster. They don’t call it Greek tragedy for nothing.

If you don’t want your life to be a Greek Tragedy, then listen to me and start thinking about how to not just live, but maintain a healthy lifestyle. People often use exams as an excuse to order in, get takeout, and just generally give up on eating healthy. They also find all kinds of excuses for skipping trips to the gym, skipping social events, and more. Don’t neglect your health. Be mindful of both your physical and mental health, and take care of it. You will prosper in your exams if you can maintain that level of de-stressed and organized calm. Do not cut corners!

Cutting corners in life helps nobody. It certainly didn’t help the Athenian expedition to Syracuse. General Nicias cut corners by insisting that there was no need to attack Syracuse – they could simply starve out the city. Look how that worked out! You can’t see this right now but I’m totally shaking my head in disgust. And all of this disaster could have been stopped if the corrupt politicians hadn’t recalled the brilliant general Alcibiades in place of Nicias, who was a real piece of shit. Sad!

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