Your Date With an Engineer
During dinner, your date may continuously kick the table-legs and twist at their chair. this is simply their instincts telling them to be sure not to sit at any place which may cave in around them. Don’t expect to dance too much at the formal as they will probably spend most of their time conducting structural tests on the decorations.
On the way to and from the formal don’t be surprised if they stop at an intersection for several minutes to count traffic. However, do not be disillusioned, the Civil Engineer is an expert at performing erections of their own which is hard to match in strength and durability.
On your date with a Chemical Engineer, try to keep your cool as they toss a hydrometer into the wine to test its specific gravity. At the formal itself you would be well advised to get your drinks from someone else as the Chem Eng prides themself on their ability to make their own alcohol which usually turns out 50% ethanol and 50% methanol.
However, later on you are completely safe in their hands as they have undoubtedly conducted extensive permeability studies on their favorite condom brand and know better than anyone how to make your fluids flow.
Prepare to be bored by the names of organic chemicals as your date explains to you why tequila will give you a worse hangover than vodka, when you just wanted to do shots and don’t care about whether or not you’re hung over. Expect them to be overly excited when drinking gin and tonic under a blacklight as it fluoresces. Later that night, the Engineering Chemist will carefully analyze all of your fluids and will be quite happy to mix your fluids with theirs to see what reaction occurs between you.
Be prepared to be thrown around in their car while driving to dinner as your date will constantly be slamming on the brakes to test the hydraulics and throwing the wheel violently to test the steering linkage. At dinner, try to contain yourself as their tensile tests on the silverware inadvertently sends a fork into the wall. Also do not be alarmed if you sit all alone on a steam radiator while they conduct a thermodynamic study of the heating system of Grant Hall.
After the formal, however, you are in for a treat as the Mechanical Engineer has an intimate working knowledge of the dual stroke pump system.
Your evening may be very strange as your date will always be talking about wires, but, if you are ingenious enough you can keep them from playing. Perhaps later they will show you their own wire collection. At the formal itself, you’ll be lucky to dance at all since they’ll be transfixed by the lighting. Afterwards though, you can expect them to put all their wires aside and plug themselves in. This will provide quite a show if they hit the wrong socket.
The Comp Eng is an odd one. Your dialogue with your date to include a series of programming jokes that nobody else will understand. Redirect your dinner conversation on how tight your Big O’s are. Complement your date; compare their curves to that of a brace bracket. Don’t even think about stalling, proceed to discuss “for play” with your date. Enjoy your night, live in the moment, and don’t forget to add semicolons after you and your date finish.
At dinner your Geo Eng date will astound you as they explain the theory of continental drift with their, and your, mashed potatoes. Don’t be surprised if they suddenly collapse to their knees on the sidewalk; they are not grovelling at your feet but only studying the cementing matrix of the sidewalk. After the formal they will certainly invite you to see their rock collection and show you how limestone isn’t the only thing that comes in beds.
You will thoroughly enjoy your meal with the miner as they tunnel their peas and open pits their ice cream. They will undoubtedly spend the evening comparing Grant Hall to a coal mine due to the room and pillar design. You need not fear the dark for their top hat is reinforced and has a miner’s lamp attached with 500 candlepower. Afterward you can expect demonstrations on the methods of shaft sinking all night long.
A date with an Engineering Physicist is great if you don’t like eye contact. An Eng Phys’ life revolves around his search for validation. Most of your date’s conversations will most likely revolve around an in depth discussion about how their major is as difficult as the search for dark matter. During the dance, they might following the laser beams and dance in a waveform that represents the calculated electromagnetic fields of Grant Hall. But just think, in an inertial reference frame going near the speed of light, your date can literally go all night.
Your time with the Applied Mathematician can be actually fairly normal as none of their education has application in the real world, and so their quirks exist only in imaginary space and not the real world. They may be a little slow to respond to your questions, but they are simply trying to formulate their response as a mathematical proof. While at the formal they tend to be good dancers as they apply their knowledge of control theory to find out how many times they can spin you while keeping stability. After the formal you are in for a treat as an Apple Math knows your limits and where they converge.