Dear Frosh,
You will get a lot of information drilled at you this week. Some of it is the truth but a lot is misconstrued nonsense that will lead to your complete and utter destruction. Golden Words is the one true source. If you want to not only survive but thrive this year, you must listen carefully. More carefully than you did in all those info sessions where you actually just slept with your eyes open.
  1. The Freshman 15 and watching what you eat. You may have heard that the Freshman 15 looms above each Frosh unless you pay close attention to what you eat at the Caf. I’m telling you from experience that when you look closer, you’re not going to like what you find… especially when it moves. There are some things you just can’t unsee. The less you think about it, the better you will be.
  2. Floorcest. You may hear that it’s a complete no go because things will be ‘awkward’ or ‘uncomfortable’ as you will see them everyday for the rest of the year. LIES. Think of the convenience! The ease of entry… No one has to know.
  3. The importance of sleep. In order to survive you may have been told that sleep is an important element, especially during frosh week. The truth of the matter is that the number of friends you make in the first week has a simple equation that relies completely on how many all nighters you pull. Friends made = hours spent in social scenario all nighters. Remember, you can sleep when you’re dead.
  4. 4. Buying textbooks. You’ve probably heard that it’s best to attend class before buying because the profs will give better instruction as to what you need in the class. That is crap. You don’t want to be behind in class on the first day already. The earlier you cough out the dough, the better off you’ll be. Trust your upper years. They never sell outdated textbooks, books with missing pages, books that you don’t actually need or overcharge you. Never.
  5. 5. Securing your belongings. You may have heard that you should always keep your res room locked, not leave your laundry abandoned for hours or that it isn’t smart to have your laptop hold your place in class or at a library. Don’t worry about these things. Petty things like stealing are really immature and now we’re in University! Everyone is respectable and thoughtful. Who knows, leave your laundry long enough and someone might even fold it!
Keep these things in mind, and you will only be successful.