In response to people defending the Health 102 profs ability to “teach the controversy”. This is what Golden Words thinks would happen if other courses were taught like Health 102.

HIST: This class will contain a unit on teaching Nazi values and perspectives. Did the Nazis have some good points? Are people with blonde hair and blue eyes actually the master race? History teaches the controversy.

GNDS: Know what, maybe men ARE better. Like this patriarchy thing has been around for thousands of years; it probably has some good points. Did you know that the only nuclear attacks that have ever happened, happened AFTER women's suffrage? Gender Studies teaches the patriarchy.

POLS: Have you heard of lizard people? No? It’s because they don’t WANT you to know. The governments of the world are being controlled by lizard people and we want you know. Politics teaches real life.

COMM: The pyramids on the American dollar bills were put there by our secret illuminati masters. The all seeing eye watches us all and knows all. This unit, we’re going to focus on monetizing peoples fear of our wealthy benevolent overlords. Commerce teaches the facts.

PSYC: Maybe the voice in your head IS god telling you to do things. It’s probably not, but maybe it is. Maybe if you try listening to the voices and doing what they say, maybe they’ll go away. Or maybe you should get an exorcism; it COULD be the devil pretending to be god, either one of those would be good - it’s your choice. Psychology teaches spirituality.

CIVL: Buildings don’t REALLY need foundations right? Like people had buildings for thousands of years without foundations, like concrete doesn’t need to be reinforced. Fuck it. Civil teaches safe construction.

GEOL: The earth is really really old, but how old is it? Some people say that the earth is only 5000 years old. Fossils were planted by the devil and if you believe in the big bang you are a satanic devil worshiper. Geology teaches satanism.

GPHY: Is the world flat? Have globes been lying to you your entire life? How have rich first world countries been manipulating borders by convincing the third world that their borders are actually affected by spherical geometry. Geography teaches flat theories.

ECON: This term, we’re going to be discussing the economic benefits of slavery. Slavery was one of the main driving forces for the American economy before the civil war and many have argued that the great depression would never have happened if people could still be owned. Economics teaches good investments.

PHYS P20: In this course, we are going to be teaching how astronomy and astrology are pretty much the same. Like seriously, they both have stars and stuff, pretty much identical. Astronomy teaches me that I’m an Aries.

RELS: Playing Dungeons and Dragons makes you a satanic devil worshiper. In fact, so does Harry Potter. Anything with magic is demonic and evil and will lead you to hell. Religious studies teaches magic.

HLTH: Vaccines cause autism and so does watching TV. Don’t go to the hospitals because they’re a breeding ground for disease. Cell phones cause cancer. Health 102 teaches stupid shit.

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