When is it OK to Fuck a Frosh?
It’s that time of the year. As Sci’18s have made their little minds on which discipline they want to go into, these frosh are slowly believing that they might be, in fact, a year. At the same time, their Frecs are showering the frosh with appreciation in ways that may or may not be approved by the Dean.
The phenomenon that “frosh are growing up” is leading many people to wonder whether it’s time yet to begin pursuing sex with the sexy frosh. So is it okay to have sex with frosh yet? It depends.
If you’re a generic upper year, you can fuck frosh at any time, provided they are over the age of consent and give consent to having sex with you. Be charming, friendly, and lead by experience. If you offer to provide access into an engineering building at night, you might find it easy to find a frosh who wants to do XXX so much that they don’t mind to do it with you.
If you are a Frec, and the frosh you had in mind is your own frosh, you might have to be more tactful. You want to convince your co-frecs and the rest of your frosh group that what you have with your frosh is true love. True love doesn’t get judged as much as, well, sex without true love. Make sure the first time you make a move on the frosh is not during your frosh appreciation party, because first, it’s not consensual if they are drunk, and second, that’s just fucking low. However, you might find that it may be easier for your frosh to develop feelings for you if you take care of them really well when they are intoxicated. If they share any personal stories with you when they trust you, or when their inhibitions are low, use these information to your advantage, as long as you’re not being, you know, crazy.
If you are a TA, go to Western.
If you are a don, you have to be careful. Make sure the frosh you like is not living on your floor. Check? Okay, make sure the frosh doesn’t come to socialize on your floor. Actually, just make sure the frosh doesn’t have any friends who know anyone on your floor. Basically, make sure the frosh doesn’t have any friends. Okay? Now, make sure the frosh lives at a residence where none of the dons know you. This is gonna be a bit tricky, but it’s fair to say that their residence is on the other campus, it’s safe enough. At this point, you might be wondering how creepy you must be to know this frosh in the first place, but don’t let your subconscious morals distract you. Proceed as you normally would with a potential partner until the frosh likes you enough to have sex with you. Have sex with them either in your res room or theirs, as long as they have a single room. Just make sure that when you head over, you’re not wearing a red vest.
If you are a goat, anytime you want.
If your friends start asking you why the hell you are sleeping with a frosh, just tell them you met on Tinder. Tinder is a safe haven for people who shouldn’t know each other in the first place to hook up, because on Tinder, you don’t need a reason to start something special.