THE shittiest thing is waking up and realizing the person you’re laying beside is a solid 2, way lower than your usual standard of a 3. Like, fuck, you could have sworn his/her face was half dece as you agreed to go back to their place. The awkward getting-up-and-leaving-as-fast-as-possible-without-seeming-like-an-ass process is the second worst. The third most terrible is the trickiest and has the longest consequences: avoiding this person until you graduate… or until you’re so deep in denial you forget about the unfortunate event. In reality, you probably will run into them an improbably high amount of times because life likes to fuck with you and it’s karma on your bad judgement anyway.

Transfer schools

Pros: This will avoid any physical encounter and any possibility of you ending up in this person’s bed again… depending on how obsessed they are with you.

Cons: You will be forced to leave your friends and Queen’s.You will also be referred to as the pussy who left Queen’s because you were afraid of a 2.

Travel only in packs

    Pros: In the event that you should run into the person you accidentally fucked, they will not want to approach you since they will be intimidated by your imposing 4 friends.

    Cons: You will become a herd and your independence level will be reduced to frequent separation anxiety attacks.

Dye your hair/ buzz it off

    Pros: New look, you will be unrecognizable and will look nothing like you do now.

    Cons: You will look nothing like you do now. Also hair grows back you fucker, nice try.

Change your studying habits

    Pros: Living at the library could be beneficial for your knowledge intake. You might make friends with a spider in Douglas.

    Cons: Your life will suck. Your only friend will be a spider in Douglas.

Only wear hoodies

    Pros: Your face will be hidden and if you see the unfortunate object of your one night stand you can pretend you didn’t see him/her.

    Cons: You actually won’t see people around you. Plus you’ll get referred to as the hoodie creep who avoids eye contact.

Only go out at night

    Pros: Your ass is pretty safe during the day.

    Cons: I’m pretty sure classes are during the day, and if you’re paying tuition you’re just fucking yourself over. How confused are your priorities, stupid?

It comes down to asking yourself how committed you are to life as you know it.

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