Well that was fun! Being editor was a pretty sick gig but to be honest, I’m much more comfortable filling in this 8th of a page with a complaint. I’m also no longer obliged by my blood pact to EngSoc to be funny, so I’m going to bring to light a real issue here .

In the post 9/11 age people like to complain about the government taking their rights away, yet we often forget about how the rights of kids are continuously eroding. Seriously. Ever wonder why kids today are all fat and lazy? Because idiot adults keep restricting what kids can do outside. Tobogganing? Nope, too dangerous. Riding bikes without a helmet (aka the only cool way to ride a bike)? Causes head trauma - bullshit! You’re the ones with head trauma, WASPy suburbanites!

When I’m a parent (ladies…) my kids can do whatever they fucking want. That’s how you learn life lessons and build up your immune system. Like maybe if you gave your kids some fresh air, they wouldn’t be allergic to a fucking peanut. Or if your kids wanna smoke two packs a day, let them, and they’ll soon learn the horrors of lung cancer. So take heed, parents of the future, and stop the war on fun! (Also: holy shit, our generation will be parents one day. That is fucking terrifying).  

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