Students Excited for Return of Mass Facebook Invites to Parties They Have No Intention of Attending
The entire campus is abuzz as that most holy time of the year approaches. It’s first sign is an idle red notification, pinging on your phone laptop or other preffered social media device. Maybe you use a tablet. Maybe you’re an assshole. Any correlation is just idle speculation. But nevertheless you see it. An event notification. The apex of social media to manage to personally invite as impersonally as possible. You’re not even in Kingston yet and you hate the Spot. But It doesn’t matter. Because you’re invited and no one can take away your momentarily inflated ego.
It happens all over the world, to people of every creed and colour. The invite. House parties, pub crawls, birthday parties, candlelit orgies. Depends on your social circle. But all that matters is that you have no intention of going but you still get the satisfaction of feeling exclusive enough to turn down a party.
You momentaerily hover over the attending button, just to tease it. You just gently caress your finger over the mouse to tease it. To see if it really wants you to attend. You pause. And then DENY.
Like a vengeful God you swooop your mouse to the drop down menu and unabashedly click Not Attending.
You could have neglected to say anything at all. Savannah Banglermann’s 20th Birthday Party Bonanza could have been a neutral interaction for you. You could have just not responded. But you’re a stone cold killer and you can never resist leaving a bridge unburnt. Somewhere in the world a child cries over the slow steady uptick of not attending numbers.
Egos are bloated. People continue to not give any variety of shit whatsoever. This is a bullshit article. We’re really stretching an admittedly fantastic title. This is going nowhere at all at the slowest possible speed. You poor reader you got suckered into watching writer’s block in motion. Over 300 cringly slow and aimless words. I grieve for you sir. But you should grieve for me. And also do Savannah Banglermann the slightest bit of goddamn respect and just don’t respond until she asks. She’s a friend, or at least a mild acquaintance so don’t be a dick.