Cool Analysts, who identify what is and isn’t cool, have finally come to a consensus after a long standing dispute. Can mustaches come back? 
In recent history, the prominence of mustaches amongst Hipsters led to the ongoing uncoolness of the mustache. In less recent history, the image of the mustache became severely tarnished due to its popularity among monstrous dictators responsible for the deaths of millions. 
However, given that there has now been 25 years since the end of the eighties, and 35 years since the end of the seventies, people are once again beginning to wonder if mustaches can make a glorious return to prominence and popularity. 
The answer is yes, says Sam Cromwell, Cool Analyst who is also cool independently of his work.  It is entirely coincidence that he would look androgynous except for the twirled stache: a clear marker of testosterone. 
“It’s situational,” Cromwell asserts. “Some people just can’t do it. It’s just a ca-stache-trophe. We have a facebook-based database that lists all the first year students who keep trying to do it, and are failing miserably. Incidentally, there is also a database listing all female students with mustaches, but it’s highly protected and “only for shits and giggles.”
I swear this isn’t a ploy to validate my own mustache, abo Astor Turtlestache ut which I am not insecure.
PS: Mom, this isn’t a phase, this is who I am!