Every year, graduating engineers spend one night making a spectacular black tie event at Grant Hall. They construct an incredible structure from plywood, two by fours and nails, they paint fantastic murals and decorate two whole buildings in one cool theme. But you know what, it’s stupid. It’s stupid how everyone gets all dressed up and pretty and happy and goes and has a good time with all of their friends. Does that sound fun to anyone else? Who’d want to get all dressed up and have a great night eating fondue and drinking with a live band?
I mean let’s not forget all the work, I mean is 40 hours of work really worth one completely unique night that is truly unparalleled by any other academic institution? No it’s not it’s stupid. You could have just as much fun as anyone else by renting out a banquet hall for $100 a night with a date and all your friends. And I always think it’s kind of sad the way some people try and shamelessly pander to the graduating class in order to coerce their way into the formal. I mean I know some people that have been canvassing their upper years in order to score a date since frosh week. And do you know what’s even worse when very specific upper years decline those outrageous advances. Because even though yes it’s a little ridiculous that someone would stand outside your window with a sign that says “Take me to Sci Formal” every night for a month the least you could do is reward the perseverance. Because it’s cold on your front lawn Hannah Steady, I know from a friend. And you know what, maybe you think that that poor guy is “disgusting” or “creepy” or “a complete stranger” or “the Editor of Golden Words” but I know that guy as a someone who would easily arm candy who at the very least would make you like like an 11 (if only by comparison). I know for a fact that you didn’t bring a date Hannah, because you’d rather “just do rounds, break hearts and just slay #SciFormal #FuckDates #GettheWeirdoOffMyLawn” as you said on your Twitter account. That hurt. Whichever Sam that was addressed to is obviously going to be hurting after a callout like that so you should really just think before you decide to insult someone who’s stalking you.
And this is exactly the problem with Sci Formal, it drives people to do crazy stupid things all for nothing at all. Did I really want to be someone’s date this year: yes, I did very much, but that’s besides the point, Sci Formal is dumb and inefficient, the world would be better off without it and Ms. Steady.
I can hear you saying, “he’s just bitter”, because my paranoias manifest themselves as auditory hallucinations and the only answer I have for that is “No, I’m not bitter, I’m Sam Codrington Editor for Golden Words, and I think you’ve heard enough of the ramblings of a spurned stalker lover so rather than dwell on this anymore let’s just cut off this testament to a fragile ego like the thumb of a distracted sous chef at a vegetable prep table at an elite five star restaurant. Instead I suggest you skip ahead to the rest of our fantastic newspaper.
On a more serious note, we invite everyone to take a moment out of their days to honour the sacrifices of our veterans and soldiers this Rememberance Day.