What Your House Posters Say About You
It’s a fact that everyone thinks long and hard about which posters they’re going to get for their house. And why shouldn’t they? Whether you’re having a last-minute study session or throwing a gigantic bender, you want to set the right tone for what kind of person you are. The problem though, is that a lot of the time, people’s perceptions of your posters are a whole lot different than what you think. So, we at Golden Words see it necessary to illuminate the difference between what you think your poster says about you, and what it really does.
1) The Sports Poster -You might think that the sports poster makes it seem like you’re into sports, and sometimes it does. If you’ve got a very specific poster, then this is definitely the case. It can work out well if you start talking with someone at your party who’s also a big fan of Polynesian handball. BUT, if your poster is sorta broad then you’re definitely an unathletic dweeb who still wants girls to think he’s athletic so he can crush some major puss. Examples of this are the Michael Jordan dunk poster that you bought because it reminded you of the scene in Space Jam, the Toronto Maple Leafs/Montreal Canadiens poster with just the team logo, or the Muhammad Ali knockout/training underwater one.
2) The Hot Girl Poster - WOAH?! You like girls? That’s super crazy. Especially girls with big boobs and symmetrical facial features?!?! You have this poster since you really like the idea of women, although you’ve never really talked to them or gotten to know them. Women in this section include Kate Upton, Emilia Clarke/Daenerys Targaryen, Rihanna, Hannah Davis, or Beyonce with underboob. Subsection of this type of poster includes Hot Girl Lying on Top of Car.
3) The Art Poster - You bought this poster so that people would think you’re artsy and thereby you can crush some major puss. This poster is always, without fail, is over an art piece that everyone knows. Examples of this include the melting clock Dali, the Japanese one with the wave (lowkey I actually have this one), or any Van Gogh posters.
4) The Beer Poster - You think that this poster makes it clear that you like to drink a lot of beer. Binge drinking isn’t alcoholism, right guys?! In all seriousness, having this poster just makes you seem like a super fuckboy. A subsection of this kind of poster is the one of the Communist Party actually partying, which means you’re actually a jokes dude.
5) Queen’s Flag - This poster is crucial to making sure that people know that your house at University and William belongs to people who go to Queen’s. If this poster is visible from outside, it serves as a scarecrow against townies to keep them from coming onto your front yard to collect beer bottles and cans. Since you’ve never been to a sports game and celebrate Homecoming as an excuse to day drink, this is as good as it’s gonna get for school pride. Subsection of this poster is the budget-friendly Romanian flag.
6) Inspirational Post - “March to the beat of your own drum.” “Do one thing a day that scares you.” “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Lines like these litter the walls of the most basic of houses, ensuring that they have quotes for profile pictures at the ready and affirmation that they are valuable to society in some way. You may think that the poster make you seem deep, but everyone else knows that you are incapable of doing anything unless there’s a silhouette of a tree behind its text. A subsection of this poster is the Keep Calm and Carry On poster, especially if it doesn’t make sense. I’ve literally seen a Keep Calm poster that said “Keep Calm and Walk Your Dog”. How does that make any remote sense?!
7) Bob Marley Poster - YOU SMOKE WEEK?!? Get out of here. No one is ever allowed to smoke the devil’s grass. It’s a quick gateway drug to dying in a crackhouse alone and poor. You think that this poster makes you seem cool and social, but your mother and I think that it’s a bit too much.
8) Rapper Poster -When you’re not white enough to be like Eminem or Black enough to be like literally every other rapper ever, you have this poster to make sure that people know that you listen to a ton of rap. You think that it makes you seem cool, but in actuality, when someone who actually listens to rap comes up to talk about rappers other than Kendrick Lamar, Drake, or Kanye, you’re fucked. Also, if that person is me and you don’t agree that The College Dropout is the greatest rap album of all time, you’re super fucked.
9) Pulp Fiction Poster - Roger Ebert, eat your heart out. You’re the real film buff here, and you want to show this to all of your peers. That’s right, you’ve seen Reservoir Dogs, Django, and Inglourious Basterds. Therefore, no one in the rest of the world could possibly be as well versed in film with you. Even better, you took FILM110, which obviously covers the entirety of film ever. Other people think that you’ve seen the ‘Say what again!’ scene and nothing else.
10) Outdated TV Posters - Posters are really fucking expensive, and you’ve kept all of your posters from First Year. Unfortunately, though they were pretty great then, they haven’t aged well. These include your “I Am the One Who Knocks” poster, your “Long Live Ned Stark” poster, and the one from when The Walking Dead wasn’t a complete shitshow. You keep them up to cover hole in your walls that your landlord would scream at you for, and everyone else things you are stuck in the past.