Things That are Outdated in 2016
As we usher in the new year, we bid farewell to the following things that played a role in the 2015 zeitgeist.
“Because it’s 2015”: We all have that friend that thinks he or she’s some prodigal political commentator and will forcefully and uncomfortably try fit in a “because it’s 2015” quip. The sheer fact that it’s not longer 2015 will stop your pretentious douchebag friends in their tracks. Unless god-forbid Justin Trudeau at one point says “Because it’s 2016”, then we’re all fucked.
The Jurassic World Raptor Pose: We all remember that picture of Chris Pratt taming a herd of raptors by holding his hands out that went viral. If you’re in an alley north of Princess with a gang of muggers on your tail, holding out your hands isn’t going to do jackshit. You’re as dead as that pose.
Hotline Bling: We all know Hotline Bling was just glorified elevator music and an excuse to dance like you have unvaccinated polio.
Netflix and Chill: As soon as our parents jokingly started using the term, Netflix and Chill died in our arms. No Mom, stop saying that you and Dad are going to netflix and chill.
Chris Brown: Saying that Chris Brown is outdated is simply a precautionary measure to make sure he stays outdated.
50 Shades of Grey: Unless you’re a sex deprived soccer mom whose husband is more into his new Apple watch than he is into you, you never liked 50 Shades of Grey in the first place.
One Direction: Zayn left and one of the other members is having a baby. They’re all basically middle aged men with receding hairlines and, therefore, outdated.
Ashley Madison: Oh boy, Ashley Madison died the hard way. When the names were released, it showed that like 95% of the users were men or something. That means Ashley Madison was more of a sausage-fest than Engineering Physics.
Bruce Jenner: Before you write a letter to us saying that we’re transphobic bigots, think about it.