It’s that time of year, the winter is cold, one asshole of a prof mentioned midterms, and elections are here! Sam and Ghazal took some time out of our saturday to sit down seperately with the both AMS teams : Team CSG (Colin, Sarah and Greg) and Team LWT (Tyler, Dave and Carolyn) and they were fantastic. Remember to vote today
If you want to take a look at their platform check out http://www.votelwt.com/ and http://www.votecsg.com/. But if you want to hear some jokes please continue below:

CSG

Who would win in an fight, JT (Justin Trudeau), JT (Justin Timberlake) or JT (EngSoc President)?
Greg: I know JT and she obviously has the most power in Canada because not only is she a president, but a president’s president because she’s president of the Canadian Engineering Association.
Colin: Justin Trudeau isn’t even a president
Sarah: Smack.
Greg: And I’ve seen JT dance, so if it was a dance off between Justin Timberlake and Julie Tseng, Julie would win.

Kill Fuck Marry
Sam: Justin Bieber. He’s gone through a lot of changes in the past, so if you had to Kill, Fuck, or  Marry: “Baby” era Justin,“Girlfriend” era (like when he was with Selena Gomez), or like right now where he’s just rocking the tats.
Sarah: Based on how much I like his music, I’d marry him now. But him as a person, he’d have to go. So music quality has increased, while his persona has decreased.
Colin: Dump the middle one, dump Selena Gomez-
Sam: So are you gonna have a one night stand with “Baby”?
Ghazal: Also he was a minor.
Colin: Then because of that we’d say do the current version.
Sarah: Okay I’d do the current version, marry the middle version, and kill the younger version because its still creepy that he’s young (even if we take that out of the situation).
Sam: Alright moving on, Chris Pratt was on “Parks and Rec”, he was recently in “Guardians of the Galaxy”, and last but not least he was in “Jurassic World”. Kill, fuck, marry.
Greg: You marry Parks and Rec, obviously.
Colin: Really?
Sarah and Greg: Yeah!
Greg: He’s adorable, are you kidding me?
Sam: He’s a real cuddly teddybear. 
Colin: He can fight dinosaurs in Jurassic Park.
Ghazal: A quality you look for in a husband.
Sarah: No you do Jurassic Park him, because he’d be the strongest.
Colin: He’s pretty strong in Guardians of the Galaxy, but if you has a home invasion I’d rather have somebody who can fight.
Sarah: Yeah, but dinosaurs are cooler.
Greg: You can’t argue with dinosaurs.
Ghazal: Right so at Golden Words we like to stay topical. Fuck, marry, kill: David Bowie, Alan Rickman, and Dan Haggerty the actor who played Grizzly Adams? I hope that’s right.
Greg: Well, I feel like being married to Snape would be horrible.
Sarah: But his love for Lily was adorable!
Greg: Do I look like Lily?! I’m not Lily Potter!
Sarah: I would like to marry Snape.
Sarah: He was so sweet! I’d do David Bowie and kill the last one because I don’t know who he is.
Ghazal: Well luckily he’s already dead so that’s not something you have to worry about.
Sarah: Our condolences go out to all those families.
Ghazal: Simba, Mufasa, and Scar?
 Greg: Kill Scar, obviously.
Sarah: When I was a kid, my parents would always have to turn off The Lion King when it was at the cliff scene because I was inconsolable. 
Greg: You’d have to marry Mufasa because that’s a fun name.
Sarah: But Simba was gonna be the new king.
Greg: Oh so you’d marry for wealth, is that what you’re saying?
Colin: The return on investment of marrying a soon-to-be king is actually much higher.
Sarah: Then you’d be queen, in my case, for much longer.
Colin: An economic analysis.

As VP of Ops you’re in charge of overseeing a multimillion dollar budget, on that note, when’s the last time you had to ask your parents for money?
Sarah: Yesterday.

Team LWT has made a point of a skate sharpening platform, I was thinking the other day how fantastic would it be if there was a team of people to walk around the campus sharpening people’s pencils for them?
Greg: I think that would be safer than giving students blades to sharpen.
Colin: We don’t want to skate around the issues here. Study supplies on campus, it’s a small expense but as you know with people like Sarah have to ask their parents for money frequently, these costs add up.
 
How much money would someone have to pay you to shave your head?
Greg: I’m the one with the golden locks so-
Colin: Has nobody told you you don’t have blond hair? (*Note: Greg is a ginger)
Greg: Sorry I’ve never seen gold in my life, I apologize.
Sarah: I like my hair, so a substantial amount of money. But I’d do it for free for cancer if that helps.
Colin: Like right now?
Ghazal: Open up the door, cancer walks in. 
Greg: Six people walk in.
Ghazal: Come on in girls!
Greg: That would be the best bit I’ve ever seen.
Sarah: I’m talking $100,000 if it wasn’t for cancer.

LWT

We have 3 JTs: The Right Honourable Justin Trudeau, The Right Honourable Justin Timberlake, and the Right Honourable Julie Tseng, Eng Soc President.  Who would win in a fight. 
Tyler: I’ve only ever seen Trudeau in a fight so I’ll have to go with him. 
Ghazal: A strong right hook. 
Carolyn: I’m gonna have to say JT, your EngSoc president. She’s kinda badass. 

Kill, Fuck, Marry
Sam: Ok, now let’s do an old classic: KIll, Fuck, Marry: “Baby” period Justin Bieber; “Boyfriend”, Selena Gomez-era Justin Bieber; and current Justin Bieber. Go.
Carolyn: Oh, I got this. K, I would like Marry the first personality of Justin Beiber, the “One Last Lonely Girl” era - I’ve watched that video so many times and I’m jealous of that girl in the video.
Dave: I wouldn’t be surprised if she still watched it. 
Carolyn: But, the new videos are better though. I’d fuck Now Justin Beiber, I’d kill Selena-Gomez-era Justin Bieber - I mean, I love Jolina, but I wanna be with Justin, so yeah. 
Sam: How about Chris Pratt - Parks and Rec era, Guardians of the Galaxy era, and Jurassic World era. 
Tyler: I haven’t seen any of those.
Sam: Literally two of the biggest movies of the past two years.
Dave: Carolyn, looks like you’ll have to take this.
Carolyn: Well, ok. So I haven’t seen Guardians - I know, I know - so have to kill that one. Like the Parks and Rec Chris Pratt is just so dopey but so loveable and cute, so I think he’d be a good husband you know. And then fuck the Jurassic World Chris Pratt because, you know, so hot, right?
Sam: Didn’t think you’d be having this conversation today, did you?
Carolyn: No, but I like it!
Ghazal: Continuing with Kill Fuck Marry right so at Golden Words we like to stay topical. Fuck, marry, kill: David Bowie, Alan Rickman, and Dan Haggerty the actor who played Grizzly Adams? I hope that’s right.
Dave: Uhm I think I’d kill dan Haggerty, probably marrry David Bowie because I could be serenaded by his voice every night and then fuck Alan Rickmanbecause you know he was a staple of our childhood.
Tyler: That seems like a bad reason to me
Carolyn: No, I would marry Alan Rickman 10 times out of 10. I was upset all day when I found out he died, I’ve never been affected by a celebrity death like that. That’s our childhood, I mean...
Dave: I guess we differ on Alan Rickman
Carolyn: I guess we just agree to disagree
Tyler: I’m just staying out of this one
Ghazal: and finally Simba, Mufasa, Scar, Fuck, Marry Kill?
Carolyn: Well we know who we kill obviously, Scar
Tyler: Well I don’t know about that
Dave: Were you watching a different Lion King or something?!
Tyler: Hyena’s are friends too
Carolyn: 
Tyler: Simba seems more chill than Mufasa he’s always having a good time
Dave:  I think you’ve gotta marry Simba. If you get Simba you get Timone and Pumba so. 
Tyler: That’d be like living with Stepbrothers in your basement
Dave: Have you seen Lion King 1 & 1/2?  it’s by far the best Lion King in the trilogy, because it’s told from the perspective of Timone and Pumba
Carolyn: I think that’s going to be contentious.
Dave: There will be some people who disagree with me and I’m OK with that.

As VP of Ops you’re in charge of overseeing a multimillion dollar budget, on that note, when’s the last time you had to ask your parents for money?
Dave: Within the past 36 hours I have asked my parents, multiple times for money.


Team LWT has made a point of a skate sharpening platform, I was thinking the other day how fantastic would it be if there was a team of people to walk around the campus sharpening people’s pencils for them?
Tyler: Who even uses pencils?
Dave: You’re using a mechanical pencil right now!

How much money would someone have to pay you to shave your head?
Dave: Probably after the election, not very much.
Tyler: Yeah after the election
Dave: Just shave all my hair off? My hair grows back pretty fast so maybe fifty bucks?
Carolyn: yeah see I don’t think I’d want to cut my hair 
Sam: I’m writing you a check right now?
Ghazal: just name your price? Would you do it for a thousand?
Sam: Would you do it for ten thousand?
Carolyn: OK I’d maybe do it for ten thousand
Ghazal: Would you do it for five thousand?
Carolyn: OK yeah I’d do it for five thousand?
Sam: I’m writing you a check for four thousand dol-
Carolyn: Aha no no, $5000 is the lowest I’d go. I’m sold.