Resolutions I MIGHT Live Up To
Oh haha hey haters didn’t see you there, haha is this thing on? Anyways, what’s up guys? I’m Leah and Welcome to Hip-Hop-sercize. Just kidding, this isn’t a cool fun dance- exercise mash up, I am just trying to make a couple light jokes to make you more comfortable, haha are you comfortable? Haha I’m so sweaty right now. I bet you’re so tired of both me and Alex breaking down the fourth wall but you know what always I say, there are no walls in art.
I know you’ve heard a lot about me like, oh Leah, you’re so hot, you’re so funny, you’re so perfect for the next editor, and you’re so humble. Well, those are your words not mine. But I’m not here to charm you, I’m here to let you know what’s in store for the future of Golden Words. You know that scene in that one movie with the guy and he goes “But wait” and the something else happens? Well next year is going to be exactly like that, but betterHere is what I plan to do as new editor:
1. End the notorious money laundering operation GW is covering up
Yep. Golden Words has been corrupt since Day 1. Mandatory student fees? More like large scale corporate theft. Sure, we give back to the community, but Golden Words has been stealing jokes from all over the internet and selling them back to the students of Queen’s University- and quite frankly, I’ve had enough of it. What does Golden Words do with the money you ask? Two words: Ever Seen Wolf of Wall Street?
2. Take down the GW 25 cent referendum increase
3. Hahah omg I don’t think the other co-editor is hot! Ew! Lol! Who said that?
Honestly I don’t even know Alex at all. I just think he’s a nice guy! I just don’t think that like I want to ruin our friendship you know? Plus that would be so awkward at meetings. No yeah its ok, you should totally go for him. I’m serious he would probably so go for you! Yeah ill definitely talk to him for you. Hahah what I am not acting weird!
4. Stop the bad non funny jokes, only make good really funny jokes
The hero Golden Words needs but doesn’t deserve.
5. Stop ripping off dying internet memes
See above. Also, Damn Daniel is timeless.
6. Rip off more jokes from Denny's Official Twitter
When people say all great poets are dead or like all good rap is dead they have never logged on to www.twitter.com and had a good long binge read of all of Denny’s pancake related tweets. Are pancakes palatable to Queen’s students? Well let me answer that question with another question: Aren’t they?
7. Add diversity to our staff by hiring at least six puppies
Well that’s it! Don’t get your expectations up too high, I mean I’m not a wizard this isn’t 90210 I can’t do everything. I hope you are ready for the ride of your life and if you’re actually still reading this editorial at this point then you’re probably my mom so hey mom what’s up.