Hello my homeboys, homegirls, and home-non CIS-gendered peeps! I hope that your school hasn’t kicked you out yet and that your parents haven’t kicked you out either. This week, being our penultimate week of Volume 50 (boohoo so sad), means that we’re probably going to change gears and take a more serious approach. Indeed, the responsibilities of a newspaper that puts out 3000ish copies of 25 issues a year, and is the only notable paper on campus are many. While dick jokes are of course a necessity, we also have many responsibilities to ensure the greater Queen’s community is well off. As a social chameleon as well as having self-professed “boyish charm and wit”, I think I can be nice and give you some particular tips for your struggling social life. Can’t do much about your weak sexual performance though, that’s a question for your fathers.
We all know this scenario: you’re walking to class, having a great time listening to Jojo’s It’s Just a Little Too Late. But before your eyes you see that guy that was in your first year Graphics lab and also is dating your friend’s housemate. You both know each other because Facebook is a thing, and as they approach you really don’t know what to do. Well look no further! Ya boi AGreezy will pop off and let you know some conversation pieces that can help to deal with these situations.
1. “Where is your commerce housemate going for exchange?”
El classico, this comment is bound to get some commentary about why he’s so upset he’s in Finland instead of Sweden or Norway, or why anyone would want to go to Estonia.
2. “So how was your summer?“
This gets you a whole 4 months to work with - and is and especially potent conversation piece if it’s February. Whether they worked at a summer camp, or as a lifeguard, I’m sure they’ll say that although it was a good summer, they’re “happy to be back“.
3. “So how about the Black Lives Matter movement?“
When people say not to talk about politics or religion with people, they say it out of fear of the excellent conversations that they could otherwise have had! Nothing starts an open conversation like race dynamics in the United States of America!
4. “How come girls won’t have sex with me - I’m a nice guy!“
Legit guys please help me I don’t get it; don’t girls owe me sex for basic kindness?
5. “So when did you dad walk out on you?“
Nothing makes people move from the Sims categorization of Acquaintance to Friend like some good ol’ fashion dad bashing. Daddy issues /= friend issues!
DISCLAIMER: GW does not guarantee that using these conversation pieces will get anyone to like you because, let’s be honest, Alex is way more social than you.

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