Cosmos Originally Made Exclusively for Stoners

A recently discovered note from Carl Sagan’s old desk revealed that Cosmos was solely created for those under the influence of marijuana. “The big flashing lights, the ‘whooshing’ noises as asteroids fly through space, the infinite zooming in from huge planets to the nuclei of atoms, you’d have to be a fucking tool to think the primary demographic isn’t stoners,” Sagan stated.  

Don't Join a Club

Frosh, as you may know, there are over 200 clubs on campus that you can join. “Can” being the key word here, not “should” because I’m about to tell you why joining a club is a terrible idea.

When Parents Visit

           There are certain thoughts that every student has before and during a visit from the parents: why are you doing this, what did I do wrong, can you buy me groceries, shit I should probably clean, and is there a way I can get out of this? Even if, for some unknown reason, you miss the presence of your family, you really don’t want them to come visit. It’s easier and less terrifying to just go home to see them.

Cody Comic 4905

Got Crack

Issue 5 Cover

Local Guy Invites Woman Over to Actually Watch a Movie

Earlier this week, local student George Reeves invited a woman he is well acquainted with to watch a movie. Unlike many guys however, he seriously only wanted to watch a movie, causing much confusion. “This girI I know told me she had never seen ‘The Matrix’! How crazy is that? It’s a classic that’s been out for more than a decade. I told her she should come over to watch it.

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