NASA Hosts Kegger

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration, strapped for cash amid a round of U.S. government cutbacks, has announced a new fundraising initiative to help cover their soaring costs.
Bob Jackerhoff, NASA Operations Director, said: “Basically, we’re going to have a kegger at the ISS so we can afford new spaceships. If we sell a bunch of tickets at $86 mill a pop, we should have just enough to buy a secondhand rocketship from Space-X.

Letter to the Reader

Dear reader, I would like begin by saying that I’ve been watching your work for years (your work being sitting in Walter Light between lectures reading this fine newspaper - I’m the guy hiding behind the plant). I have been a huge fan of yours for a while now, but recently your content has been bland at best. You just sort of sit there glancing out our paper, breathing through your nostrils heavily if you find something amusing. Could you be less enthused? And don’t think I didn’t see that random text your friend sent you. They said “did you read gw this week?”, and you replied, “yea, lol”...

How to stop being awkward from a distance

Sometimes you are walking around campus, and you meet eyes with someone you know. Your eyes lock and social interaction is guaranteed. You should probably say something, but golly jeez, you are just too far away and the only way to communicate right now would be to shout at them. You’re not an angry Scotsman demanding freedom nor are you asserting your dominance in the animal kingdom. You have to get closer. That’s a lot of ground to cover, how are you going to make it over there without appearing like uncultured swine? You’re cool.

Drake's Birthday

In honour of Drake’s birthday, Golden Words is stepping in to remind all Queen’s students to stay as soft and emotional as the Toronto rapper during this stressful midterm period. We know it’s hard to stay in touch with your emotions when desperately trying to pass math physics and stats. Cha gheill!

Carleton, This is why you don't fuck with Queen's

This weekend, Queen’s was set to play their final game of the season against the Carleton Ravens. The Queen’s Bands, faithful stewards of Queen’s pride and a model example of Queen’s sobriety, had bought 80 tickets in order to show up and support the Queen’s Gaels. Unfortunately, two days before the Gaels were set to bus down to Ottawa, the Bands received an email from Carleton ‘requesting’ that the Band’s not bring instruments. Being that the Queen’s BANDS is, you know, a band, this came as quite the “fuck you” when the bands was heading there in two days.

The Burger of Might

As I stand behind the line of people,
I can’t help but put a quick smirk on my face.
This is not a place of healthy selections.
NO, it is a place of hearty, greasy, and manly foods!
 

As my hulking frame wobbled closer to the counter

The Most Annoying People To Have Class With

I’m in third year, so I’ve had a fair amount of classes and I’ve been to most of them. There is a trend I’ve noticed with the types of people in those classes that piss me off. Here is a short list of the most annoying people in class:
1. The Sleepers

Wikipedia University

It appears that all those annoying pleas at the top of the page asking for money have payed off, as Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales announced Friday that the website would be opening the doors of its first University next fall.

True Fear: A Hallowe’en Tale

My heart pounded and sweat rolled down my brow. My stomach churned. I tried to scream, but no sound escaped. I knew then that there was no way out; coming here had been a very, very bad idea. I clawed at the car door, but my clammy hands couldn’t get it open. It didn’t matter: there was nothing to save me out there. It was All Hallows’ Eve, a full moon. And inside, she stared at me.

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Are you angry at other people?