AMS Health & Dental Plan to Change

The AMS announced at a press conference Monday, September 15 an epidemic sweeping the campus and a change in the student health care plan in response. This announcement came during the ‘opt-out’ stage of the AMS Health and Dental Plan. It is rumoured that this year has seen a 27% increase in students choosing to use alternative plans. Golden Words sources that will remain unnamed speculate that this announcement is a stunt to regain funds that are largely redirected into groups such as the AMS Christmas Party and spring break fund, but this remains unproven.

4903 Cover: AIRBOB

Is Your Prof A Racist?

At Queens we pride ourselves on being the pinnacle of political correctness. With this great achievement comes the great responsibility of maintaining this safe place and educating those less informed. However sometimes this alone is not enough and the issue must be dealt with directly, this article will help you, my fellow students, determine one of the most important Questions…. Is My Professor A Racist?

Queen's Student Discovers Pythagorean Theorem

It was just an average trip to the grocery store, or so Hippasus - a student of Queen’s University - thought. Leaving his house located at Victoria and Princess Street with his shopping list in hand, he took the usual route: south to Brock Street, east to Barrie.

CAPS LOCK TOM Comes Back From The Grave

(Caretaker Bob is tending to his graveyard, scaping the land, and digging new graves. Suddenly, he is startled from behind by a loud sound)
CAPS LOCK TOM: WOOOOOO!
Caretaker Bob: (In a hushed tone) Shhh! People are mourning their loved ones who have since passed away.
CAPS LOCK TOM: I AM A GHOST! I AM BACK FROM THE DEAD. I WAS HIT BY A BUS OUTSIDE THE LIBRARY, BUT NOW I AM BACK. WOOOOOOOOOOO! I AM A GHOST
Caretaker Bob: What do you want?

Who will win the keg race?

Editorial: My Friend Is Too Layz

My friend Bob just called me to ask if he could come to Golden Words Pressnite with a Tupperware container to bring home some Rahim’s Cuisine leftovers. As I do not feel entitled to the complimentary refreshments for our staff, and as an obliged good friend, I couldn’t say no.

Editorial: Snapchat!

Since it took off about a year ago, many people I know (including myself - meta) have been using the popular app called Snapchat. For those of you who don’t know what snapchat is (hi Mom!), look it up, dumbass. If you think this is a newspaper for facts, you can get the fuck out.
Now that they’re all gone, I’ll continue. And by continue, I mean rant on about how Snapchat is an evil service that must be destroyed!

Queen's Journal: Trollophobic

In an uncharacteristically cruel twist on their usual inclusive drivel, the Queen’s Journal has shown its ugly side: a recently published article revealed deep veins of trollophobia. Anonymous online trolls, a sensitive, underrepresented minority among the student population, were reviled as “sadistic”, “psychopathic”, and even “narcissistic”, labels which were unjustly earned after one Journal reporter was probably made fun of by someone once.

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Are you angry at other people?