Editorial: Opinions!

Once again, I am angry. Not for any justifiable reason, just simply because of my position as editor. I have been informed by my peers in journalism that editorials shouldn’t simply be treated as free space for one to ramble on about such topics as Snapchat!, Smash Bros!, and Thanksgiving (twice); but rather as an instrument to voice my informed, developed opinions to the student body.

Did you riot this homecoming?

How to Get Over Ex-Lovers

In my 20 years, I’ve had many romantic relationships.  While the majority of them have been imaginary, that doesn’t mean the end was any easier.  That guy that asked me where the washroom was, well we dated for 6 months before he turkey dumped me.  The guy that smiled at me in Stauffer, he called off our engagement 2 weeks before the wedding.  That guy from Walkhome, we really shared something real before he ended it after our 10 minute walk.

10 Things to do While Home for Thanksgiving

  1. Listen to your super conservative aunt go on for half an hour about how demonic sex before marriage is... While sexting your boy/girlfriend back in Kingston.
  2. Eat so much turkey that you throw up because the only thing you’ve eaten in the last 2 months is Ban Righ burgers, and real food tastes like the best sex you’ve ever had in your mouth. Then go back for seconds.
  3. Eat half of an apple and/or pumpkin pie by yourself; fuck freshman 15 - you’re an overachiever, and you demand at least 20.
  4. Break up with your high school boy/girl friend.

Your Weekly Horoscope: October 13 - October 20

Aries: March 21 - April 19
You are the ram, the horny beast we all know and love. This week Uranus was mooned and it has your emotions going in loop-de-loops. There are only two choices, stifle the inner beast or let your inner ram-page. We all know which one you’re going to pick… This is the week to drink fire and let your horny heart feast, war cries and all.
Brontosaurus: April 20 - May 20

Returning Alumni Unaware of Rioting Ban at Queen’s

As homecoming fast approaches for this upcoming weekend, Golden Words was shocked to discover the disturbing truth that most alumni coming home are unaware of the university’s new ban on rioting.

Planned Installments of the Taken Franchise

In honour of the upcoming Taken 3, Golden Words is reviewing the past movies and making future predictions on the future of the franchise.

Thanksgiving Blues

The turkey coma is passing by
The good food will no longer be
It is back to endless caf food
No matter how you plea
 
The perks of home have fled
No laundry will be done by mum
The mess is all yours
No magic fairies to come
 
You are trapped here now
With all the growing sadness
Here come the dreaded midterms
With their oncoming madness
 
No sleep to be found for the next weeks
Grades are not easy, they come at a price
In the sea of university, study,
It’s the only flotation device
 

Prime Minister Buys Corvette to Prove He’s Cool

In a move described by pundits as “the epitome of a middle-age crisis, yet slightly endearing,” current Prime Minister of Canada Stephen Harper purchased a 2014 Corvette Z51, the top-end performance model of Chevy’s popular Corvette sports car. Harper is not traditionally known as a car nut, and so commentators on both sides of the aisle were surprised that the Prime Minister would buy such a flashy car, pointing to his history of responsible, budget-friendly purchases in stark contrast. As one TV personality put it “Corvettes are fun cars; they’re all about a thrill.

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