Uninspired Students Produce Mediocre Work For A Non-Profit They Joined Only To Put Volunteering On Their Resume

Ermin Jones is one of several students who are a part of QDASORS (Queens Does All Sorts Of Random Shit). He is the Information Co-ordinator, one of several positions with fancy titles and little to no responsibility. What does he do? “I ensure that companies who actually bother to do background checks on volunteer organizations we co-ordinate, make up, or affiliate with, are not exposed as total bullshit. These days it’s easier to just have a minimal commitment to some sort of social justice, and it sure as hell beats bitching on Tumblr.

A Personal Welcome From Principal Daniel Woolf

Greetings and Salutations. As principal and vice-chancellor of Queen’s University, I would like to personally welcome you to Queen’s University. Queen’s has been a storied institution of higher learning since its founding in 1841 and you should be proud of yourself for be able to go to school here. Because, frankly kids, I’m going to level with you here a bit: things are not looking good.   

Editorial: Queen's is the Home for You

Trigger warning: This editorial casually mentions of things such as drug abuse, sex abuse, childhood abuse, and other kinds of depressing things.
It is heartwarming to see all the students back at Queen’s again. Such bright young minds all gathering in this beautiful university, working towards a better future. The days are warm enough for shorts and skirts, and the nights are just cool enough to make the purple GPAs seem weather appropriate. This is truly an inspiring and hopeful time of the year.

Editorial: Pole!

As an Artsci, I get to experience many privileges that other faculties don’t, such as a light class schedule, a 2:1 female-to-male ratio and… fuck, that’s about it. Filmies such as myself have a brand new building, but everyone else has to take classes in Mac-Corry, a building whose worst feature is not in fact that you can get lost in it, but that its design motif makes you feel like you’re about to get stabbed in a subway station. Did you know that Mac-Corry has skylights? It does, but no one notices.

A Frosh Guide to Faculties at Queen’s

Arts and Science -
The largest faculty at Queen’s, ‘Artsci’ as it is known affectionately by a faculty that’s supposed to be good at words, will have you know that it’s also the easiest degree you can acquire at Queen’s. That’s not technically true - it can be super-hard if you have difficulty writing essays, basic memorization, lack any ‘social media skills’ (that’s basically where all the artsci jobs are), or are a dog. Other than that, its a pretty easy and you have a lot of free time time to “chill out” (smoke weed).

Fine Arts -

‘Boo Hoo’ The Bear Mascot Put Down

Final Words, “No Wait , I’m a real person!”

Five Frosh Week Lies, Corrected

Dear Frosh,

Frosh Continue Proud Tradition Of Asking Stupid Questions

“How many pages of notes do you take each class?”, “How do I tell my prof I won’t be able to make a lecture?”, “Can I really not use mechanical pencils in exams?” These are all just some of the obviously irrelevant, weirdly specific or just plain idiotic questions that have been heard all across Queen’s as frosh have flocked to Kingston eager to start their four or five years descent into crippling debt that some prefer to call higher education.

Alarm Force to Offer Frosh Proofing Service

It is that time of year again. A new batch of insecure and frightened youths, commonly referred to as ‘frosh’, have decided to call Queen’s University home for the next four or five years. The first few weeks that a frosh spends on campus can be tumultuous and confusing. As a natural response to their insecurity, frosh tend to flock together at night time. Their natural friend making and mating process causes flocks of frosh to roam through the student ghetto in the evening searching for alcohol.

Your Weekly Horoscope: Residence Edition

This year, Queen’s University received numerous warnings from seers, psychics, clairvoyants, oracles, dreamwalkers, and shamans of impending doom which awaits students of a certain astrological sign. For legal reasons, administration is under strict order not to disclose which group of students awaits this impending tragedy, so horrible that even Golden Words not dare publish the events which have been foretold.

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