Editorial: Pole!

As an Artsci, I get to experience many privileges that other faculties don’t, such as a light class schedule, a 2:1 female-to-male ratio and… fuck, that’s about it. Filmies such as myself have a brand new building, but everyone else has to take classes in Mac-Corry, a building whose worst feature is not in fact that you can get lost in it, but that its design motif makes you feel like you’re about to get stabbed in a subway station. Did you know that Mac-Corry has skylights? It does, but no one notices.

A Frosh Guide to Faculties at Queen’s

Arts and Science -
The largest faculty at Queen’s, ‘Artsci’ as it is known affectionately by a faculty that’s supposed to be good at words, will have you know that it’s also the easiest degree you can acquire at Queen’s. That’s not technically true - it can be super-hard if you have difficulty writing essays, basic memorization, lack any ‘social media skills’ (that’s basically where all the artsci jobs are), or are a dog. Other than that, its a pretty easy and you have a lot of free time time to “chill out” (smoke weed).

Fine Arts -

‘Boo Hoo’ The Bear Mascot Put Down

Final Words, “No Wait , I’m a real person!”

Five Frosh Week Lies, Corrected

Dear Frosh,

Frosh Continue Proud Tradition Of Asking Stupid Questions

“How many pages of notes do you take each class?”, “How do I tell my prof I won’t be able to make a lecture?”, “Can I really not use mechanical pencils in exams?” These are all just some of the obviously irrelevant, weirdly specific or just plain idiotic questions that have been heard all across Queen’s as frosh have flocked to Kingston eager to start their four or five years descent into crippling debt that some prefer to call higher education.

Alarm Force to Offer Frosh Proofing Service

It is that time of year again. A new batch of insecure and frightened youths, commonly referred to as ‘frosh’, have decided to call Queen’s University home for the next four or five years. The first few weeks that a frosh spends on campus can be tumultuous and confusing. As a natural response to their insecurity, frosh tend to flock together at night time. Their natural friend making and mating process causes flocks of frosh to roam through the student ghetto in the evening searching for alcohol.

Your Weekly Horoscope: Residence Edition

This year, Queen’s University received numerous warnings from seers, psychics, clairvoyants, oracles, dreamwalkers, and shamans of impending doom which awaits students of a certain astrological sign. For legal reasons, administration is under strict order not to disclose which group of students awaits this impending tragedy, so horrible that even Golden Words not dare publish the events which have been foretold.

Floorcest: The Pros and Cons

FOR
  • Convenience: They live like right there, think of how easy it will be to go whenever you’re in the mood.
  • The Unisex bathroom: Need I say more.
  • Showers: The showers are cleaned for you, might as well use them.
  • Need to Procrastinate: Go have sex with the person five doors down.
  • Give old lefty the night off!: He’s ( I mean she of course….) has earned a night off.
  • Free don condoms …. & Candy: Why not put ‘em both to use.
  • Practice Your Failings: Why not get all the fuck ups out the way.

How to Date Your TA: The Info Western Doesn’t Want You to Know

Recently, the Western University’s student newspaper, the Gazette, came under media scrutiny from across the country for publishing an article called something like “So You Want to Date a TA?” - I’m speculating because the outrage caused it to be wiped from the internet completely. Kind of like an online version of Men In Black, except it makes less sense. So in the spirit of journalism and tradition of plagiarizing content, Golden Words would like to present our own version of the Gazette’s article.

Editorial: I Hate Summer

As I sit in this gloomy upstairs dungeon listening to the misery of the Kingston rain, looking forward to the next eight months of utter hopelessness and depression, I reach the following epitome: I hate summer.
Because the last four months were the worst four months of my life; even worse than the following eight months will ever be. Actually, come to think of it, every year’s May to August is the worst May to August of that year. But this summer, it has been the worst. 

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