A Critical Review of a 2:00 AM Booty Call

Saving Private Ryan. Toy Story 3. Pooty Tang. Over the past 3 months I’ve reviewed critically acclaimed films that have impacted entire generations–movies that have defined the morals of our society as a whole. After a few weed-filled nights of looking past the lights and cameras, diving deep into the inner psyche of cinema, I’ve decided to extend my expertise from the silver screen to the smartphone screen. Today, I review a late night booty call:

Act 1: The “Tinder Surprise”

The Force Awakens Sequels

Tony Hawk 4 Prez

Cody's Comic 5114

Backcover 5114

Cover 5114

Sam and Solo Present: The Enigma of the Hot Dog- Sandwich or Nah?

The story of the Hot Dog is as old as time. You know it, I know it, your frickin’ grandma knows it. Let’s get to the real meat of this piece: Sandwich or not? A timeless debated will be debated once again inside the covers of Queen’s finest print media. Buckle up and prepare to be educated by your fellow peers and Queen’s Hot Dog Enthusiasts- Solo and Sam!

Solo: Hot dogs are a sandwich.

Sam: Hot dogs are not a sandwich.

Solo: Meat and condiments encased in bread? Sounds like a sandwich to me.

The Importance of a Small Orchestral Accompaniment

It's 7:00 AM, dark and dry in the dead of winter's grip. You can feel the coffee, red bull and adderall slowly fighting an impossible battle with your need to sleep. The dim laptop screen reflects off your eyes, only a few words left to write. An hour is left for you to make an attempt at arguing why Cars 2 is a metaphor for 1950's class struggle and your reasoning is looking more like a conspiracy theory than an essay. As you explain why Lightening McQueen is bourgeoisie, your head drops for a moment- you almost fall asleep.

Appropriate Situations to ‘Go Live’ on Facebook

Delivering a eulogy

Funerals are not the most happy of times. You or someone close to you may have lost a loved one. It’s a horrible situation that can rarely be dealt with in words. That being said, since a picture is worth a thousand words, and a video has like a billion pictures per minute, your Facebook Live video is just the best way to touch people’s hearts with your riveting eulogy of the mannequin challenge. In order to keep up the hope of your friends and family, it is important to ‘go live’ in the face of death.

Delivering a baby

Canadian Government Issues Major Health Warning For Realsies

Listen, this day in age everyone is very health-conscious. You’ve got people who are runners, people who get flu vaccinations every year, people who go to the gym, and god forbid: (in a harsh whisper) vegans… Now there are constantly epidemics on the rise that threaten the lives of millions and the very freedom of Canadians. Currently, an unfortunate 1.097 million people (as of 2011) are afflicted with this disease and the number is on the rise everyday. Keep yourself armed with knowledge and a baseball bat with nails in it to beat the hell out of the people that do have it.

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