The Importance of a Small Orchestral Accompaniment

It's 7:00 AM, dark and dry in the dead of winter's grip. You can feel the coffee, red bull and adderall slowly fighting an impossible battle with your need to sleep. The dim laptop screen reflects off your eyes, only a few words left to write. An hour is left for you to make an attempt at arguing why Cars 2 is a metaphor for 1950's class struggle and your reasoning is looking more like a conspiracy theory than an essay. As you explain why Lightening McQueen is bourgeoisie, your head drops for a moment- you almost fall asleep.

Appropriate Situations to ‘Go Live’ on Facebook

Delivering a eulogy

Funerals are not the most happy of times. You or someone close to you may have lost a loved one. It’s a horrible situation that can rarely be dealt with in words. That being said, since a picture is worth a thousand words, and a video has like a billion pictures per minute, your Facebook Live video is just the best way to touch people’s hearts with your riveting eulogy of the mannequin challenge. In order to keep up the hope of your friends and family, it is important to ‘go live’ in the face of death.

Delivering a baby

Canadian Government Issues Major Health Warning For Realsies

Listen, this day in age everyone is very health-conscious. You’ve got people who are runners, people who get flu vaccinations every year, people who go to the gym, and god forbid: (in a harsh whisper) vegans… Now there are constantly epidemics on the rise that threaten the lives of millions and the very freedom of Canadians. Currently, an unfortunate 1.097 million people (as of 2011) are afflicted with this disease and the number is on the rise everyday. Keep yourself armed with knowledge and a baseball bat with nails in it to beat the hell out of the people that do have it.

Am I the Rihanna of Our Generation? And A Second Thought I Have About Myself

Hey guys! It’s me, I’m back at Queen’s after my break. I uploaded new pics to my Facebook album, “Selfies in My Home and Also When I Travel”, and made sure to snap at least 75 seconds every day, and uploaded 15 times over the break. I did NOT tweet anything, because Twitter is for frickin’ lame-o’s and Donald Trump, but if you still feel like you missed out on what I’ve been up to and what I am thinking here’s a little summary of stuff I thought about and realized in 2016 and the first week of 2017 (shout out to my girl Kylie Jenner).

Point/Counterpoint - Point/Counterpoint

They say it was Benjamin Franklin who first invented the pro/con list. He sent a letter to a buddy describing how he can come to a decision by putting the pros on one side and the cons on the other. But now it’s 2017 so fuck Benjamin Franklin. We’re gonna show you plebs how to do a point counterpoint with the editors of GW providing co(unter)lour commen(poin)tary.

Golden Words Guide to Writing a Resume

As we at Queen’s enter our second semester of the year, we naturally enter crunch time for the summer job hunt. Enter January; when everybody suddenly cares about having something to do for their summer break. Fear not, ye desperate labourers – Golden Words has a guide that will change your fortunes for the better. Follow the guidelines below for many helpful tips on creating the best resume ever!

Books to Read on the Bus That Say “I May Be Hot But I’m Definitely Saving Anal for Marriage”

Listen up ladies-we ALL know that relatable feeling when you relate to something. This is going to be about letting women make their own minds up about what book to read because of feminism; but still enforce some pretty extreme ideas about what we believe female sexual identity should mean according to dated but still-existing sexist social structures.

Welcome Back to Golden Words! Also Your New Year’s Resolutions Are Bullshit

Hey there. Are you sitting down? You should be. Okay are you sitting down? Get up, that’s disgusting. Get ahold of yourself.

Welcome back to Golden Words! I know you missed it. I mean look at yourself - you look horrific. That trip to somewhere sunny did you no favours. It’s nice that you can bundle up and hide it though. In any case, I know that you’ve been waiting to read my words and follow them to a key. So, with that in mind:

Petition to Put a Gordon Korman Courtesy Fund in the Annual Budget

Canada’s a decent country. Everyone can vote, our leader’s not totally insane and our ski hills are superb. But let’s be honest, when it comes to honouring great Canadians we’re about as effective as an inflatable dartboard. And I tell you this practice is shameful. Take, for example, Kiefer Sutherland, a man who is not only a great Canadian actor but is also the only person in history who can pull off a mullet. And what have we done for him? Not a thing! Not a statue, not a school named after him, not so much as a commemorative park bench!

Hottest New Escape Room, The United States of America, Opening January 20th

After a controversial year filled with many ups and downs, an extremely fun new trend emerged to take our mind off of the senseless deaths in Hollywood, and the tragedies in places like Aleppo: escape rooms. For the uninitiated, escape rooms are fun experiences where a group of people are locked in a room, and must solve a series of puzzles to finally open the door and escape the room, while under a strict time limit. Escape rooms have quickly gained traction as a quick way to see your friends without any further social commitment!

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