Top 5 Weird-Al Songs To Have Sex To

1. Eat It

2. Trapped in the Drive Through

3. Albuquerque

4. Handy

5. Virus Alert

A Critical Review of a 2:00 AM Booty Call

Saving Private Ryan. Toy Story 3. Pooty Tang. Over the past 3 months I’ve reviewed critically acclaimed films that have impacted entire generations–movies that have defined the morals of our society as a whole. After a few weed-filled nights of looking past the lights and cameras, diving deep into the inner psyche of cinema, I’ve decided to extend my expertise from the silver screen to the smartphone screen. Today, I review a late night booty call:

Act 1: The “Tinder Surprise”

Sam and Solo Present: The Enigma of the Hot Dog- Sandwich or Nah?

The story of the Hot Dog is as old as time. You know it, I know it, your frickin’ grandma knows it. Let’s get to the real meat of this piece: Sandwich or not? A timeless debated will be debated once again inside the covers of Queen’s finest print media. Buckle up and prepare to be educated by your fellow peers and Queen’s Hot Dog Enthusiasts- Solo and Sam!

Solo: Hot dogs are a sandwich.

Sam: Hot dogs are not a sandwich.

Solo: Meat and condiments encased in bread? Sounds like a sandwich to me.

The Importance of a Small Orchestral Accompaniment

It's 7:00 AM, dark and dry in the dead of winter's grip. You can feel the coffee, red bull and adderall slowly fighting an impossible battle with your need to sleep. The dim laptop screen reflects off your eyes, only a few words left to write. An hour is left for you to make an attempt at arguing why Cars 2 is a metaphor for 1950's class struggle and your reasoning is looking more like a conspiracy theory than an essay. As you explain why Lightening McQueen is bourgeoisie, your head drops for a moment- you almost fall asleep.

Appropriate Situations to ‘Go Live’ on Facebook

Delivering a eulogy

Funerals are not the most happy of times. You or someone close to you may have lost a loved one. It’s a horrible situation that can rarely be dealt with in words. That being said, since a picture is worth a thousand words, and a video has like a billion pictures per minute, your Facebook Live video is just the best way to touch people’s hearts with your riveting eulogy of the mannequin challenge. In order to keep up the hope of your friends and family, it is important to ‘go live’ in the face of death.

Delivering a baby

Am I the Rihanna of Our Generation? And A Second Thought I Have About Myself

Hey guys! It’s me, I’m back at Queen’s after my break. I uploaded new pics to my Facebook album, “Selfies in My Home and Also When I Travel”, and made sure to snap at least 75 seconds every day, and uploaded 15 times over the break. I did NOT tweet anything, because Twitter is for frickin’ lame-o’s and Donald Trump, but if you still feel like you missed out on what I’ve been up to and what I am thinking here’s a little summary of stuff I thought about and realized in 2016 and the first week of 2017 (shout out to my girl Kylie Jenner).

Point/Counterpoint - Point/Counterpoint

They say it was Benjamin Franklin who first invented the pro/con list. He sent a letter to a buddy describing how he can come to a decision by putting the pros on one side and the cons on the other. But now it’s 2017 so fuck Benjamin Franklin. We’re gonna show you plebs how to do a point counterpoint with the editors of GW providing co(unter)lour commen(poin)tary.

Golden Words Guide to Writing a Resume

As we at Queen’s enter our second semester of the year, we naturally enter crunch time for the summer job hunt. Enter January; when everybody suddenly cares about having something to do for their summer break. Fear not, ye desperate labourers – Golden Words has a guide that will change your fortunes for the better. Follow the guidelines below for many helpful tips on creating the best resume ever!

Books to Read on the Bus That Say “I May Be Hot But I’m Definitely Saving Anal for Marriage”

Listen up ladies-we ALL know that relatable feeling when you relate to something. This is going to be about letting women make their own minds up about what book to read because of feminism; but still enforce some pretty extreme ideas about what we believe female sexual identity should mean according to dated but still-existing sexist social structures.

Petition to Put a Gordon Korman Courtesy Fund in the Annual Budget

Canada’s a decent country. Everyone can vote, our leader’s not totally insane and our ski hills are superb. But let’s be honest, when it comes to honouring great Canadians we’re about as effective as an inflatable dartboard. And I tell you this practice is shameful. Take, for example, Kiefer Sutherland, a man who is not only a great Canadian actor but is also the only person in history who can pull off a mullet. And what have we done for him? Not a thing! Not a statue, not a school named after him, not so much as a commemorative park bench!