Interview With Trees, Part 2

My second (and hopefully last) encounter with...

How My First Time at Starbucks Made Me Understand the Need for a Mission to Mars

Coffee. Latte’s. Little muffins that have flax seeds and blueberries. What do these small delights have in common? Each one of them has shaped my understand of the world, and the immediate need for government funding in space travel.

Effective Study Tips for Family Reunions

So the universal excuse: “I can’t go, Mom. I have to study.” didn’t work and you find yourself at a family reunion. You have an exam in less than forty-eight hours and you’re stuck here listening to boring stories and praying no one brings up Donald Trump. What you don’t know is that you could be using this valuable time to your advantage. The family reunion is a veritable smorgasbord of resources that no keen student should let pass them by. Adhere to the following Family Reunion Study Tips and you’ll find yourself well-prepared for any and all exams.

What Really Lies in Jeffery Hall

Everybody always be like, ‘lmao Jeffery Hall be like a WW2 bunker up in this bitch’ or shit like, ‘damn player, you could survive a freakin’ nuclear apocalypse in the warm embrace of Jeffery - Hall’. But that would be ridiculous right? Right? WRONG. Two Thursdays ago I was fortunate enough to start my ‘Russian prison camp diet’ which consisted of nothing but black bread for a week straight. Cut to 1 Thursday ago and i’m more clogged than a Dutch prince on a shoe-shopping spree.

You Think You Have Opinions? WHAT ABOUT MY OPINIONS

If you think I’m going to listen to another one of your long, tiring tirades about how you feel about Squirrel Genocides and the Alolan Pokemon- you had better take a third walk around the flipping block and reconsider your choices my friend. I don’t have time for your opinions, I’m way too busy making my own opinions. How am I supposed to hear two opinions on an issue when I already have the right opinion- MY OWN. Buzz off suckers and let me spit some realism that will fill your mind with wonder and confusion.

Exam Season Explained by Someone Who’s Never Done It

Holy shitballs, are you in for a treat! You’ve been studying your booty off for quizzes, bellringers and midterms, filling your silly little head with useless facts about geopolitics, Starcraft cheat codes and past exams, but this is different. Tie yourself to the nearest sturdy structure cause you’re about to get your shit kicked in harder than the time your Grade 5 bully discovered the wonder of swirlies. Pop a few adderall and crack open a lime Four Loko cause this is a survival guide for the worst weeks of your life. It’s exam season!

Types of Parties Ranked From Worst to Best

Political Party:

Bars to Get That Are Totally Real

It’s Week 12! WOOOO Hell Yeah! We did it! Time to get drunk as fuck this weekend, and if you haven’t heard froshies there’s these things called bars and you put them on your GPA which you will not be able to bring home with you on jacket pick up day, because face it you’re gonna drop out after you can’t pass 112 and become Arts’21. Anyways here’s some dope ass bars you need to get to put on your GPA (that you hypothetically will get).

Kingston Living: Build a snow fort and live in it for a weekend.

Top 5 Ways to Ice Your Friends

It’s getting to be Winter time which means pretty soon there’s going to be ice everywhere. It’s going to be on the ground, in outdoor hockey rinks, and dangerously falling off of tall buildings and putting your life at risk. So, in keeping with the theme of ice, there is no better time than week 11 to start an ice war with your friends, housemates, or floormates. By ice, I’m obviously talking about Smirnoff Ice.

Girl You’re Not Attracted To Trying To Talk To You? She’s D-Hungry and Doesn’t Understand The Laws Of Nature.

Here’s a scenario: you’re minding your own business at a party, trying to scope out an attractive girl to get with and then suddenly, a girl you don’t find attractive tries to strike up a conversation with you! (Not that 5”4 brunettes are universally unattractive - the girl in question isn’t grotesque or disfigured, and after all, 5”4’ is the average height for a woman).

Golden Words believes this is unacceptable and outlines three principles that all insecure men should follow (note this is satire, please):