Random

Spoopy Halloween Costume Ideas

Are you at a loss for what to wear on Halloween? Scared that your ideas are shitty or unoriginal? Don’t worry, you are not alone. Dozens of uncreative people just like you struggle with the same problem year after year. If you want to find a costume that isn’t totally overused like “zombie” or “sexy bunny”, you might just want to consider some of the following ideas that I have listed in this article. And if you decide to use any of these please send me a donation on tilt because these ideas don’t come cheap and neither does engineering. Nudes are available for donations of $10 and up.

1-Ply is Wearing Me Thin

Greetings and salutations to the creator and supporters of 1-ply,

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING.

Top 6 Most Hated People In The World 2015/2016 (Number 4 will leave you speechless)

Just like every year there always manages to be some scum pop up in the news. This article is dedicated to them.

Martin Shkreli

The Official Unofficial Torontonian Dictionary

Toronto ON, Canada, also know as “the 6ix” or “tdot” or “yo fahm alie gonna reach here my base fahm, mans tryina touch” is a city of many beautiful parks, people, buildings, and of course, their beautiful language. If you had trouble perfectly translating the above Torontonian, and you’re planning on reaching, this dictionary will surely help you converse with the city’s wonderful people.

An Open Letter to Stu-Cons

Dear Stu-Cons,

So you Want to Make it Big, Huh?

So you want to make it big, huh?

If You Think “Make America Great Again” is Funny, Chances are You’re a White Guy!

LISTEN HERE FUCKOS: the American election is less than 3 weeks away and as a Canadian I find this news particularly upsetting. Not for the fringe effects we will no doubt feel up North whether Chillary “Hussein” Clinton or her sexy hate pumpkin rival wins. No, I am panicked because with about 20 days until Brobama needs to start looking for a new place to live there are still people, nay MEN, who tout “Make ______ Great Again” shirts, signs, and captions as though the very conception of the campaign slogan birthed comedy as we know it.

Top 10 Homecoming Headlines That Don’t Require Further Explanation

1) Puking in your crush’s mouth will definitely make him buy you a fancy dinner

2) Live Now!: Watch your rich friends do lines of cocaine off of a $300 thermodynamics textbook while alumni look on in the background semi-disapprovingly, semi-nostalgically

3) Are you in Eng if you don’t wear your GPA on Homecuming? And other EngSoc rules

4) How to deal with that booty call at 3pm (The answer will shock you!)

5) 23 Types of Girls and their Dads You Will Find on Aberdeen this Homecuming

What ‘They’ Don’t Want You to Know

So Homecoming came and went and assumedly a good time was had by all; late night revelers were spotted indulging and carousing in almost every single building throughout Kingston. This in and of itself is not much of a surprise but what surprised this reporter was the fact that almost every single person was drunk. Now nobody has ever accused this reporter of being a prudish or judgemental person, but it has to be admitted that I cannot trust alcohol or anyone that has ever drunken a sip of those devil cocktails.

Pick Up Lines for Awkward Times

At Funerals

Everyone has been there: drunk, alone, kind of wanting to get with your best-friend’s widow(er). It’s not easy, but it gets better over time. So here are some great pick up lines to help you with the process:

“I can’t put you 6 feet under, but I can put under six inches in you.”

“How about you come sit shiva on my face?”

“I can put some of my embalming fluid in you.”

“ Looks like some rigor mortis there (points at coffin), looks like some rigor mortis here (points at dick).”

“See you at the wedding!” *winks*

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