Authors - Joe Craib

Senior Staff Editorial: You Are All Trash

You heard me!
You are despicable, a waste of space at this school. Frankly, we’d be be better off without you because CLEARLY you don’t care about us. You all had a chance to make a difference and failed. 

Op-Ed: If We Made Crime illegal: We'd Have a Crime Free Utopia

There’s been a lot of talk in the United States lately about Gun Control and whether or not it will make our streets safer. Both sides have made impassioned arguments but it is clear that they are making no headway, as tragic mass shootings continue to plague the nation multiple times this year. Even in Canada, where we think we are comparatively safer, large cities such as Toronto have seen an increase in gun violence this year. So what’s the issue here? It seems that everyone from politicians, to lawyers, to activists, to the media can’t wait to give their two cents on this subject.

Senior Staff Editorial: The War On Fun

Well that was fun! Being editor was a pretty sick gig but to be honest, I’m much more comfortable filling in this 8th of a page with a complaint. I’m also no longer obliged by my blood pact to EngSoc to be funny, so I’m going to bring to light a real issue here .

Editorial: Point/Counterpoint: This year’s GW was AWESOME / SHIT!

Dear readers, it is sad to say that this is the last time you will see my beautiful face on page 2 of Golden Words, which you obviously read, religiously, every week. Yes, there is still Golden Words next week, because we couldn’t possibly let such a grand tradition end in our hands, but we must pass it on to the next round of editors. It is positively heartbreaking to let it go; this year’s Golden Words was hands-down the best year of all time, it would be hard to even try to compete with the glory that we have succeeded.

Editorial: A Sexual Awakening

A wise man once told me “these are the best years of your life kid. Don’t waste them, because before you know it you it they’ll be gone.” But that guy's dead now, so fuck him.

Hi I’m Joe Craib, editor of Golden Words, and I’d like to talk to all of you about how to get the most of your university experience as possible. And by that I mean having as much weird, freaky, awesome SEX as possible. I am about to tell you about my recent sexual renaissance. And you might just learn a thing or two.

Editorial: The End is Nigh

Well, that’s it. Say goodbye to your loved ones, grab all the canned beans and twinkies you can carry, and head down into the other part of the basement, because the apocalypse is upon us.

And it’s about damn time!

Every year, some lunatic - be them a religious zealot or an ancient meso-american civilization, says the world is gonna end. And it never does. Frankly, I’d all but given up on the End of Days. Until this week that is, when I realized that we’ve finally brought upon our own reckoning in the goddamn stupidest of ways: people choosing not to vaccinate their kids.

Editorial: For Your Consideration

There is often much negative material in Golden Words directed towards our estranged-sister paper, The Queen’s Journal. I feel like this is unfair and, for the most part, unwarranted. Just because they chose to publish uninteresting, incorrectly sourced, chick-bait provocative, or just plain wrong material, does that mean they should be punished for it? Who are we to judge what should be considered “good” or “appropriate journalism”?

Editorial: AMS Endorsement

It’s that time of the year again, folks. No, not to desperately find a significant other before Valentines Day (though you should probably also get on that shit). It’s AMS election season!

Or at least it would be, if not for the sudden coup of the Exec office by Team CBW. So, I would like to take this time to exalt my endorsement for Team CBW!

May their glorious reign of Chinniah, Beaudry and Wright last for a thousand years. Never before has mankind produced such a fine selection of overlords to dictate the every move and thought of the unworthy peasants beneath them.

Editorial: Hide The Cocaine!

OH SHIT!

It’s the cops! Quick, hide the coke! Hide all of it!

I don’t fucking know how much there is, Jose, at least like 3 ounces. Now shut the fuck up, I got to dictate this editorial just in case I die.

Cats!

This is gonna be the cutest goddamn editorial ever. I just wanna take you on a brief escape from the toils of your week and give you something that the world just can’t seem to get enough of: cute pictures of kitty cats.

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