Issue 19

Government Handouts Making Queen’s Students Lazy

You know what is wrong with this generation of students? They think that simply because they are going to school that the government should just give them money for nothing. What kind of society do we live in, where a student who doesn’t have as much money can go and get an education on the dime of the taxpayer who is being squeezed to death by the illegal taxes imposed by the overzealous socialist government? One that needs to clearly get its priorities in check. Our military spending is low and we spend money of helping these poor students who don’t want to work?

Why Harry Potter is Bad For Young Children

Alright kids, listen the fuck up. If you were thrown Harry Potter books when you were a kid, this article is for you. If you enjoyed the movies, this is for you. If you are thinking of having kids in the future, throw together a cup of coffee and listen up. 

Science is Witchcraft

Science, what is it good for? Nothing because it is nothing but witchcraft that is being sold to us by demon possessed purveyors. It is time you wake up sheeple and see the truth behind the science. Here are the things that can not be understood and are clearly witchcraft.

Where We Stand on the Sensitive, Intricate Topic of Middle Eastern Relations

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Welfare: A Useless Embarrassment

The only thing that is more embarrassing than being poor and/or disabled is being helped by the government through welfare or other forms of government intervention. Here, at the new and improved Golden Words, we realize that government sanctioned financial aid is on par with subscribing to other religions other than Christianity. There is nothing more dehumanizing than giving poor people the scraps of the strong, hard-working Canadians who are productive to society. 

Marxist analysis of valentines day

Ahoy, Comrades! Welcome to our monthly meeting. I would like to extend my sincere thanks to Salim and his Subway restaurant, for generously giving us the back office for us to assemble. Even though your sandwiches are opulent imperialist symbols, your Sub of the Day special is executed with the kind of precision and regularity that would make Lenin weep with joy.

The Young Woolf Spitz

Queen’s has come under a fair bit of fire these past couple days. News agencies found a goldmine story just by glancing over their Facebook pages in the form of the irascible Prof. Torcolacci downright hilarious theories about the potency of vaccination. In case any anti-vaxxers out there are looking for validation in a university humour paper, GW would like to go on record to say, we think their link to autism that is so tenuous it barely even qualifies to make up a chain, much less a reason to reincarnate the measles.

News Of The World 4919

Saudi King hails student divestment efforts

King Salman of Saudi Arabia lauded efforts by Canadian students to end institutional investment in energy firms. “We stand behind these brave students in their righteous struggle to lower the stock valuation of unclean energy firms, however symbolically,” he said in a statement. “Every little helps in the fight against evil Western oil companies.”


Handwashing by doctors: does it cause autism?

Frosty the Snowman - An abomination Spawned From Black Magic

Early this week, the Kingston 24 hour Snowfort Building Contest ended in tears, blood and shame.  Historically the competition has had three main competitors with either SLC, RMC or Queen’s taking home the title. This year however one last minute entry from  Its a Sec      ret  was not seen as a real contender, with only four members participating. Their project was of an historically correct Frosty the Snowman as seen in the 1969 family film ‘Frosty the Snowman’.

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