Issue 22

St. Paddy's Day Bingo

Cody's Comic 5122

Backcover 5122

The Future of Energy

Stop investing in solar power, nuclear power, tidal power, power rangers and any other mambo-jambo bullshit all the ‘scientists’ are parading around as ‘the future of energy’. Lies. The future of energy lies within Queen’s University.

The Food-Ocalypse

As most engineers do when they have an upcoming quiz, assignment or midterm, I find myself contemplating the truly important aspects of life. Most of the time these things are completely stupid, like how I’m going to find a career after school or if I truly need an education to release my mix tape. Like I said useless stuff, well maybe not the mixtape idea that shits fire. Anyway, occasionally I experience an epiphany that will completely revolutionize the world.

Will This Article Get Published If I Am Not Banging the Editor!?!?

So it’s that time of year when the staff of Golden Words are replaced by equally unqualified individuals. Lately my articles have only been published because I was doing unspeakable things to one of the editors. My articles are not funny, lack creativity, and are generally too short to even bother publishing. Take this article for example. It is just shit. A straight trash article. Like I don’t even want to finish it. How am I going to write at least a page in word to make this a quarter page on the newspaper. This is some real inside info about how this newspaper is run.

Student Wellness Services To begin “Therapy Dawg” Sessions

Student Wellness Services, along with the help of Jack.org, has begun testing out its new experimental “Therapy Dawg” session in an attempt to better mental health on campus. Based off of the classic therapy dog sessions, “Therapy Dawgs” seek to improve upon the furry friend model by bringing dawgs on campus for students to interact with. By bringing together a variety men from 2004 who are just chill guys, students will be able to interact with various types of “totally dope boys” to de-stress between classes.

What if Guy Fieri Played Dumbledore? : An Exerpt from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry made to speak again, but this time Guy Fieri raised his hand for silence, frowning slightly at the emerald liquid, evidently thinking hard. He said, finally, “This potion must act in a way that will prevent me taking the Horcrux. It might paralyze me, cause me to forget what I am here for, create so much pain I am distracted, or remove my ability to taste gangsta ass meals. This being the case, Harry, it will be your job to make sure I keep drinking, even if you have to tip the potion into my goatee guarded mouth. You understand, dude?”

Do You Hate It When Your Profs are Dumb? A Review.

Do you hate it when your profs are dumb? Ya, me too. Sometimes (always) I wonder where the heck my tuition goes. Last Saturday, i got my answer: it goes to the engsoc banquet! So many steaks and so much wine and so many little tasty appetizers and so many people and so many cameras and so many rented buses and so many rented venues. Nah I’m joking there was only one venue.

Queen's Arc Tim Hortons' Mistreatment Of Seagulls Has To Stop

On my way to Golden Words this Sunday afternoon I witnessed something so unimaginable that I had to write about it - a tragedy was occurring on the pathway between Douglas Library and Ontario Hall. I initially thought it was just two seagulls on the sidewalk trying to stay nourished - one of them was picking at a whole-wheat bun. But then I saw what the other seagull was attempting to digest: An entire Tim Hortons™ Crispy Chicken® Patty. A bird eating another fellow bird is essentially a perfect example of zoological cannibalism - and it needs to stop.

Pages