SpongeBob SquarePants Fails to Accurately Depict the Triumphs of Western Society

I’m back bitches, and as usual I’m here to preach real issues to you. I’ve heard enough talk this week about stupid shit that nobody cares about, like health insurance for millions of people and Russian spying. I feel that if I want to earn my position as editor, I need to treat this publication as a way to promote true journalism, and write about actual issues. So, let’s talk about the failures of Spongebob to depict Western society in a proper light. What better way is there to talk about Western Society than this?

All Nighters: Do’s and Don'ts

We’ve all been there. It’s Sunday afternoon and you have not started an assignment. An important assignment. An assignment that’s due in less than 24 hours. Fuck.

The Totally True Story of what I did with my Monday

For those of you who didn’t know, Monday March 20th was free cone day at Dairy Queen. To celebrate the anniversary of the ice cream chain’s founding they would be giving away one small vanilla ice cream cone to all customers. Like any rational human being I was over the moon with excitement at the prospect of getting Dairy Queen ice cream for free. There was however, a catch. I called the nearest Dairy Queen to confirm that the free cones were in fact available at our local franchise. What they told me was catastrophic. Free cone day was only happening in America.

My Thoughts on Exams, Stress, Healthy Living, and the Athenian Invasion of Syracuse in 415 B.C.E.

It’s me again, that guy who seemingly at random appeared on our newspaper last week to write about International Men’s Day. Now that the old Golden Words administration has successfully been overthrown, Brendan and I can finally set things straight and talk about “the real issues.” Viva La Revolución - your new editors are here to help you find the secret meaning of life and guide you in these turbulent times!

I Guess the Patriarchy Won, Again

As a white woman I have a pretty great position, because not only do I have all of the privileges of being white, but I am also allowed to complain about oppression, and let me tell you-it’s fulfilling as fuck.

The thing is, you may have noticed the Golden Words managerial staff is moving from a 50/50 gender ratio to entirely male staff. As your weekly feminist propaganda source I sure have some thoughts on this.

Don’t Say Goodbye; The French Say Omlette Du Fromage

That’s right kids, I know that you’re secretly celebrating, but can you at least pretend to be a little sad? No, this isn’t when granny died and left you some cold hard $$$. Instead of buying yourself a fancy watch and selling his old clocks on Kijiji, you’re getting new GW editors. That’s right, your boy is stepping aside, old and obsolete, for fresh blood: Sam Goldstein and Brendan Robson. This very well may be on the of the last times you see my mug in this newspaper.

Why AM I here?

Why are we here? It’s one of the oldest questions that mankind has ever asked itself. Is there some greater purpose to life? Is there existence beyond death? Is there a benevolent god who watches over us, or is life just a meaningless accident? I don’t have the answer to any of these questions, but I do have the answer to this one. Why am I here?

Why we need 364 international men’s days every year

Listen up, ladies. We need to have a long talk about equality of the sexes. One day a year, on March 8th, we celebrate International Women’s Day. It is a hallowed day, with a long history of empowerment. It started 100 years ago, at the beginning of the Russian revolution in 1917. But, it is also a problematic event. From the half of a Wikipedia article I read, it seems that I am not the only critic of the day. You see, many times in life I find myself asking the same crucial question: “Yes, but what about men?” And I mean it – yes, women are important, but what about men?

STEM Majors Need to Change to Accommodate Women

Current initiatives to encourage women in STEM aren’t working and require realistic change.

As a woman in STEM, I have an insider perspective on the why women choose STEM programs, and how to encourage future participation into these streams. Sometimes, women talk a little too much about themselves, and it’s time we changed the conversation to something more relevant: men.

Things That Piss Me Off and Should Piss You Off Too, Part 2

Hi team. We’re getting closer to the final stretch. School is almost over, midterm season is starting to dwindle, and you’re already tired after your restful Reading Week. That being said, you continue to read Golden Words as it’s really the only thing you look forward to. I can’t blame you though. It’s like when growing up how you were always looking forward to your dad to come home from getting cigarettes. Except in this scenario he actually comes home and he’s bringing a weekly copy of Golden Words with him.