Issue 24

Budget Concious Student Film Festival Settles for Blood-Stained White Carpet Premiere

This past week Kingston played host to the 15th Annual Queen’s University Emerging Entertainers Film Festival, which was a resounding success despite facing significant budget cuts this year. This forced them to come up with innovative low budget solutions, including a gala premiere that went back to basics with a Blood Stained White Carpet. 

Sexual Tension: The Unit in Physics 111 YOur Prof Left Out (It’s Like Khan Academy)

Set the scene: Its your physics class, I roll in on heelies, I’m looking good, I whisper in your ear “What’s up you dusty ass nerd hoes, I am the substitute teacher for the today and the lesson is on tension between to moving bodies. Sexual Tension. LOL.“ It’s going to be like a ted-talk but worse. Although you may not be able to tell, all of you are currently suspended in this room connected by an invisible force-tension. As you can see in Figure 1, there are two principle forces in sexual tension.

Conversation Pieces for mere acquaintances

Hello my homeboys, homegirls, and home-non CIS-gendered peeps! I hope that your school hasn’t kicked you out yet and that your parents haven’t kicked you out either. This week, being our penultimate week of Volume 50 (boohoo so sad), means that we’re probably going to change gears and take a more serious approach. Indeed, the responsibilities of a newspaper that puts out 3000ish copies of 25 issues a year, and is the only notable paper on campus are many. While dick jokes are of course a necessity, we also have many responsibilities to ensure the greater Queen’s community is well off.

Expedition To West Campus

    The year was 2012, it was a cold winter’s day when the expedition set out to reach the isolate colony at West Campus. The distress tweets had been received that students had been unable to make it to main campus and supplies were running low. They had been physically isolated for 2 weeks due to a major ice storm and wolves hunting union street. 25 brave volunteers made up the expedition to try to regain physical contact and resupply them with sufficient alcohol and pizza.

Troubling Report Finds Dads Now Ignore Their Kids using Tablet Rather than Newspaper

    A new survey released by the Pew Research Center revealed that a staggering 70% of dads have switched to digital means to ignore their children with. When asked if they still read a daily print newspaper instead of spending quality time with their children, only 13% said yes, while tablets represent the overwhelmingly favourable choice. Factoring in all mobile devices, this number lept to 85%. 2% of respondents said that they did not ignore their children, but no one gives a shit about those goody-goody bastards anyway.

Summer Festival HACKS

It’s that beautiful time of year where the snow has melted, YET you still require a blanket scarf and a couple shots of Fireball to get through the brisk mornings. Nope? Just me? No YOU’RE the one with a problem! Anyway this meteorological shift has me thinking of better days ahead. Specifically summer music festivals! From Wayhome to Osheaga to Fieldtrip… and that’s about it. This summer if you didn’t drop a cool fat stack for a ticket ,then who even are you? This article is for my fellow FOMO-sexuals who need some insider tips for possibly the day they peak.

Overseen on Aberdeen: SPD Edition

    If you were like me, and somehow managed to drag your still drunken ass over to that 8:30 class from hell friday morning, I say congratulations: You are at the pinnacle of your university career; first-years look up to you, your housemates envy you, and your professors think mildly better of you. Breathe in that smell of lasts nights jello shots and suppress that gag reflex, because you are a winner!

The Ultimate Debate: Infinity Scarves vs. Blanket Scarves

    Yes dear readers, we have finally responded to all your fervent requests to implement some extra analytical content to our paper. We reached out asking for topics and you all responded with a unified voice: tell us about blanket scarves and infinity scarves. With the changing season and the uncertainty of how warm people’s necks will be, nothing is more contemporary, I’ll be honest with you all though, I didn’t know the difference at first. It just seemed like girls were imitating that folk story of the girl whose neck needed to be attached by a scarf or some shit.

How To: Get a Summer Job

Let’s face it: you are broke. You spent all your money on booze and bad decisions and your parents are no longer giving you money to continue this type of spending. Also how did you burn through 20K in alcohol in a school year. Nevermind you need cash here is some surefire ways to get a job.

How To: Dress For Easter Long Weekend

Now that the most important holiday of March is over, it is time to move on to the somber, less fun weekend of Easter. Getting ready for Easter Sunday can be stressful, but when Jesus rises up you want to be dressed and ready to whoop the Devil in the hearts of men. Here are some fun options that will really make you stand out this Easter weekend.