Issue 24

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Wassup Queen’s! Now that the year is coming to a close...sorry...

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How To Write A Thesis?

I am in one of those disciplines that requires you to write a “thesis” in order to graduate. Now I’m not in arts, so it’s been a few years since high school where I actually heard the word whose plural rhymes with feces on a semi-regular basis. Lo and behold, my undergrad thesis is due in a couple of days. I think I finally learned how to write a thesis, like, yesterday. Here’s how you do it, depending on your field of study:

How To Acquire A Car

Are you currently a poor unemployed student who needs a car but has no money? Fortunately for you, getting a car is easy. Just follow these easy steps.

Acquire some signs that say “Private Parking”, and underneath, inform the sign-reader that if their car is towed they should contact “(Your name here)’s Towing Company”, and leave your phone number. For safety/legal reasons, do not use your real name.

Find a parking lot with some cars that you like. Place the sign in front of one of the parking spots where a car you like is parked.

Book Titles That Actually Totally Exist

As a book-lover, I often spend my evenings reading and/or researching my next literary conquest. You know how there is the who-thought-this-was-a-good-idea-to-film side of Youtube, or the questionable side of sites like Reddit. Knee deep in researching what shitty Harlequin Rom Com could briefly take me blissfully away from my actual academic reading, I found ‘that’ side of Good reads. Here are a few wtf book titles and my totally valid comments on them and their contents, since there is no way in hell I’m actually going to read any of these.

10 Generations Better Than Our Generation

Alright, we get it. We were born in the wrong generation. Our generation sucks. Our generation consists of Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, and the existence of Snapchat. Here are 10 generations that are better than "our generation":

Renewable Energy Generation: Through the use of solar, wind, and water power, Renewable Energy Generation is an alternative way to live life sustainably.

Editorial: What Even Was First Year?

          Yesterday I worked at the March Break open house and while it was fun to see all the children get excited about their inevitable doom – their cherub faces still full of the hope that is bound to be crushed – it also brought back the some of the many repressed memories from my own first year, a mere but vast three years ago.   (Also, on a totally-but-actually-kinda-not unrelated note, parents are insane beings that struck fear into my co-workers and myself.  If there is a question that could possibly asked, however inappropriate it may be, a concerned parent will ask it, loudly.

Editorial: The Saga of the Man Bun has Ended

    Spring has arrived! In the bright fresh sunlight now you can’t hide the unsightly mess that your body has become over the winter. Covered in hair, fat and a glistening sheen of layered sweat and shame, what used to be a glorious temple to human physique has decayed into a shattered, bloated ruin that stands testament to the corrosive powers of those twin gods, Doritos and Netflix. ‘Tis the season for everyone to slowly, tenderly peel off layers of sweaters and turtlenecks, vomit, then sprint to the ARC in sweatpants and a hoodie.